The Secret Joy of Cleaning for Passover

Every year it is the same thing.  Scrubbing, scraping, boiling hot water,  out with the puffy chametz and in with the humble matzah.  Moving furniture to get in the remotest of corners and having a killer back ache afterwards.

Why all the fuss?  How can anyone look forward to such a thing every year?

Well, I asked myself this very question as I was ready to throw my body into traction from all of the bending and picking up.  Then Hashem provided me with the answer.  It was rather simple, as most answers are, once we actually have the answer!

All people, all religions have very common ideas--treat others as you would want to be treated, give to the poor, do not murder etc...These are ideals between man and man.  Even people who claim to have no belief in a god of any kind will many times have these morals, and be some of the kindest people in the world.

So how do we pay homage to our G-d?  We can pray, sing and study but this only involves the mind (and let's face it, most religions do this).  Not to belittle these things by any means, but G-d created us as physical beings, we need to also use our bodies to show our allegiance to our Creator.

As the expressions says put your money where your mouth is and talk is cheap.  Do we want a spouse that says I love you but never does anything about it?  Do we want kids who say I love you but never do what we ask?  The same with Hashem.  He would love to hear our praises but if we ignore His Torah, His instructions to us, then our talk is cheap.

We need to get the western ideals of all or nothing out of our head.  Perfect is probably not happening. What is perfection anyway?  Intent, desire, trying, doing our best..this is our trek through life.  

So, when it comes to cleaning for Passover, I feel I am actually doing something for Hashem, not for man, but for G-d Himself, as it is written in the Torah to get rid of chametz.  I want to please G-d and I do this for Him, not my neighbor.  

I was raised in a loving home but not in an observant home as I converted later in life and have since discovered Jewish lineage.   When I got into my late 20's and early 30's I felt I was not doing anything for G-d.  Now I know why.  All the goodness I was trying to hand out in G-d's name was for people.  It represented G-d, but it was not something being done directly for G-d.  Cleaning my house for Passover does not affect my neighbor; it affects my family as far as they benefit from it, but the main reason for cleaning for Passover is for Hashem, and only Hashem!

I'm Glad It Was a Bee Sting

A couple of days ago I decided to trim back some bushes in the front yard.  Things are getting overgrown and I want to make space for some new plants.  I stepped up to the 3rd bush of the day and I heard the familiar buzzing.  I looked around and then looked down.  As I spotted the big, fat bee he got me, and got me good.  I screamed, then ran.  I went into the house where my dear daughter promptly got me an ice pack.  Oh did it hurt!  The last time I was stung was 12 years ago, I was pregnant at the time with our 3rd child, and it was December-go figure.

Anyway, I went back outside (yes I am a glutton for punishment) and headed over to the scene of the crime.   As I peered closer to the big thorny bush I noticed a humungous (yes-humungous) nest.  I didn't think it was a bee nest but it was a bee that stung me --- so bee it (lol).  Does a bee sting make one punchy?  Maybe so.

Here is a pic of said nest:

So, my husband comes to look at it and says this is a mud wasp nest.  Mud Wasp?  omg!  (as the 3 year old next door likes to say).  So, lets get this straight, I am clipping away at a bush-innocently I might add-and a bee stings me.  If the bee had not stung me I would have bothered a nest of wasps.  Gasp!  Yes, it is big, No I did not see it, but there were a lot of branches in the way-really, there were and it was getting late-not the brightest part of the day.  I could've been eaten alive by wasps-many wasps.  So, I thank the lone bee that stung me, or should I say warned me, and kept me from multiple wasp stings.  

I have become philosophical in the last 10 years or so, looking at reasons for things and how to apply them to other areas of my life.  How many times do we get hurt, physically or emotionally etc...and wonder why?  Could it be it is to keep something worse from happening?  G-d is the great orchestrator and we are partners with Him.  Things go hand in hand.  

Here is another quick story that may help convince you.

We were expecting baby #4 and knew we needed an addition on the house.  This addition was going on during a drought.  Do you already see where I am going with this?  Yes, of course it rained.  And it rained the night the roof was partly exposed.  Due to our best efforts to cover the exposed roofline with a tarp we woke up to floors that squished when walked upon. The ceiling almost fell in on the baby (BH she was fine) and did fall in on the ginnie pig cage-(BH she survived).  We sucked water out of our carpets for 3 days-no exaggeration.  So much for the drought.   During the following week an electrician came and stood, looking stunned, at our wiring in the wall behind our bed.  He asked me if I smelled any smoke-ever.  I said no.  He said there was a small fire in the wall right behind our bed, it was bad-singed wires, blackened...house could've----well, he was shocked we didn't smell anything.  The contractor just stared at it as well.  What put it out before it got out of hand?  The rain.  

Bee stings and soaked carpets all of a sudden don't sound too bad!

In retrospect all of the things that happen in our lives add up and help make us the person we are today. Its not always easy, its a process, but with faith and some hind sight we can see the silver lining around the cloud! 

Does Size Matter?

While walking down the street I stepped on an.....fill in the blank.  What are some things we can step on?  Candy wrappers, gum, bugs, if you live in our house it would be legos, guitar pics, etc...You would not hear of someone stepping on a piano or an elephant.  Ok, so this sounds strange, but I do have a point.

In this weeks Parsha, Eikev, Deuteronomy 7:12-11:25, G-d is telling us if we do our part, He will do His part.  Simple.  As a result of you keeping the commandments, I will love you, I will keep the covenant for you.  I love Hebrew because it speaks volumes compared to the English.  While Eikev does mean "as a result", it also means heel.  What?  Yes, it means heel.  This is why the Hebrew is so awesome.  When we take a step the first part of our foot to touch the ground is our heel.  Why is this significant?  We just said we would not step on an elephant, but we would step on an ant.  Is the elephant more important than the ant?  No.  Its just bigger.  Translate this to the commandments.  Big and small, or important and not so important.  Sounds harsh to think of some commandments as not so important.  Thats because it is harsh.

What seems to be the smallest commandment carries just as much weight as what may seem to be a bigger and more important commandment.   Its the details, the little things, the behind the scene action that also carries significance, importance.

I met someone who told me they assist the Chevra Kaddisha (Jewish Burial Society) by helping to prepare the body for burial.  Another person explained the importance of washing their hands (ritually) before eating bread every time, someone else kisses the mezzuzah without fail when they leave or enter a building.  Someone shows up every morning for prayers to ensure a minyan in case kaddish needs to be said, a person warmly welcomes strangers into the synagogue to make them feel at home.  Which one of these could we step on with our heel?

My mother in law took care of her mom in her last few years with us.  I would sometimes tuck Nana into bed when my mother in law was out.  One night I turned out the light and said goodnight, walked down the hall and then heard her voice.  I was sure she was calling me so I walked back towards her room.  She was not calling me, she was saying Shema (in Hebrew) and asking G-d to watch over everyone in her life-she named them by name, one by one, she took her time.  I didn't mean to eavesdrop on her prayers but it was beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes.  Was she an observant woman in the way of the "big" mitzvoth?"  No.  But that did not keep her from trampling on this supposed minor one with her heel.

If we are not keeping kosher, we should not let that stop us from saying shema, if we are not keeping Shabbat we can still kiss the mezuzah-these things keep us and spur us on to more things.  In addition, if we are keeping the so called "big" mitzvoth, we should not forget about the little things-these count just as much if not more.

If we feel we can't do any of the mitzvot, we need to think again, start "small".  Starting small can be the biggest step we make, and then we will not be able to crush any of the mitzvot under our heels!

A Torah Lesson from the Olympics

My daughter loves gymnastics.  She has taught herself how to do hand stands, cart wheels, front tucks, back flips etc....her determination is astounding.   I was watching Jordyn Weiber on the balance beam and was awestruck over her focus and determination.  The one performance I watched she did not miss a beat, she was steady as a rock and landed perfectly every time.  I watched other girls who landed but were shaky, yet they did not fall, and of course there will always be someone who tumbles right over to the floor-ouch!

I realized our lives are like the athlete on the balance beam.  We strive to stay on the beam, we don't want to fall.  If we fall we pick ourselves back up and get on again.  Gymnastics uses different techniques to get each move down right.  In life we also need a technique or a tool to help us stay steady.

The tool we have is the Torah.  Torah is all about balance.  It is not about perfection.  Sometimes we land right on, sometimes we waver, sometimes we fall.  The Torah is a tool, and as any tool is used to help make something, in this case us, better.  A chisel, hammer, screw driver, or shovel are all used to make things tighter or looser, bigger or smaller.  The point of the tool is to make the object better, to be used for its purpose it was created for.

The point of the Torah is to make us better, it carves at our soul, it chisels away at our intellect.  As we use this valuable tool Hashem gave us, we change, we improve, slowly over time.  We learn how to treat people, how to make good decisions, how to connect to G-d.

When we make a mistake, go down the wrong path, does this spell disaster?  Can it be fixed?  It is expected that we will go down wrong paths, that we will explore areas unknown and then have to wander back if it was not the right choice.  This is life.  When I was in school I had a teacher say not to worry about the mistakes we make, it is the mistakes we learn from.  In the end we will be stronger than someone who never made that error.  Its true.  So, how can we downplay our mistakes if they help build us up?  Something to ponder.

How do we achieve balance in our lives?  These Olympic athletes are considered to be the best of the best yet they are fallible.  They are good in their own right.  How did they get so good?  By staying focused and practicing and not worrying about each fall and fumble.

As we study Torah and apply it to our lives, we can do as the athletes do-stay focused, practice what we learn, share what we learn.

My favorite verse in the TaNaK comes from Micah 6:8

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?  

Just making it to the Olympics is quite an honor, having the opportunity to do justice, be kind and humbly walk with G-d is quite the honor as well.  

Excuse Me, I Have a Question

A good teacher will love to hear these words.  A bad teacher will not.  Why?  Good question!  The answer is in a book I am reading, Secrets of a Buccaneer Scholar.  From the book he says, "Often, to understand an idea, you need to smash it with a different idea, then see what happens to it."  Basically if we have a good idea it can be developed by poking it with the proverbial stick, if its not such a good idea it will not hold up.

If you are involved in anything where questions are frowned upon then think twice about it.

People will have discussions and someone will say, "Let me play devil's advocate."   This person will undoubtedly be seen as a trouble maker trying to stir up the pot.   No, it is a strengthening tool, it will help further develop your thoughts, help tweak them, or maybe even cause you to dump an idea altogether.

One of the things I love about Judaism and the learning process is, its not about learning a set of rules without question, instead its all about the questions.  It is a well know fact that when you have two Jews in a room you will get 5 opinions (at least).  When students study Torah together they are to ideally pick a partner who sees things differently than they do.  Not only is it possible to read Torah or Talmud with someone and see two different outcomes, reasons or situations, but it is probable. I believe this is the whole purpose of the Talmud, to challenge our brain, to make us question, help us think, develop us as people.  Modern day society has coined the phrase "thinking outside the box", this is what Talmud has been trying to help people do for centuries.

When I was in school I was one of those students who just wanted to take notes, and give it back on the test with a great grade at the end.  I was a good student but this was not learning.  There are no questions, we are gaining some knowledge but, its just sitting there waiting to be filed away in the section of our brain that holds useless information.   Don't get me wrong, I had teachers who encouraged questions but most people were afraid of looking dumb in front of their classmates.  Maybe they should've done as the Yeshiva's do and team people up, teach them how to be a devils advocate, to not be afraid of it.

Another popular phrase today is when we are involved with something we should "own it".  Yes!  How do we do this?  We make it a part of us, we study it, question it, and share it with someone else.  In teaching my own children I have them read or I read and then I ask them to repeat what they have learned.  This helps me know what they know and also solidifies it in their mind.  The sharing after the questioning is also important.  This is true learning.

Growing up I always had people around me who were the same as me.  Now, I still enjoy people with similar interests and views as myself but, I also enjoy those who see things from the other side of the coin.  I really do.  Both types of people are necessary in our lives, one for confirmation and one for challenge.

My husbands grandmother was a rather conservative woman, sensible shoes type person.  Her best friend in the entire world was Leah.  Leah was all loud and full of glitz and glamour.  She would make things up and swear it to be true, she was a riot.  Best friends and so different.  As they got older they promised each other not to go to the other side without the other one.  They are both gone now.  Just watching them together all of these years was an education and proof we need all kinds of people in this world, especially those who make us question.

Counting Our Tears

What does it mean when we cry?  It can be tears of sadness or tears of joy.  In either case, when we are brought to the point of tears we are then at the point of honesty.  We can lie to others, we can lie to ourselves, we can lie to G-d.  Our defenses are down for sure when we get to the point of tears. 

I watched a movie years ago called A Stranger Among Us starring Melanie Griffith.  The movie was excellent and I have watched it several times since then.  Basically it is about a murder and subsequent theft of jewels in a Jewish community.  Melanie Griffith plays an undercover cop disguised as a Jewish woman.  Sure that this is an inside job, she discreetly tries to blend in and find the murderer.  


Throughout the movie she learns many Jewish laws and customs and so does the audience.  She also learns the love and compassion a community like this can have for each other and for G-d.


In one scene a man is reading from the Kabbalah and says, "G-d counts the tears of women." When I heard this I felt there is comfort and protection from a G-d who hurts when I hurt.


There is a midrash that speaks of G-d crying.  Why?   This seems like a crazy notion.  The reason G-d is crying is because the Temple has been destroyed and Israel does not seem to understand the implications of this.  He loves His children so much and we have now distanced ourselves from Him.  Since we are a part of Him this separation causes our Father to shed tears.  What will arouse compassion in the Almighty is if He were to see us cry as well, then He will see how we don't want the separation anymore than He does.  


Any parent will understand this.  Our kids do something against our wishes, we get upset, we don't understand how this could be, we may cry over it.  Then, our children realize what they have done and they cry.  What is our response?  We feel a healing, a bonding, and we end up with a closer relationship than before because we have gone through this process together.  We end up with compassion for our kids, just like G-d will have compassion for us.  


G-d is not a being full of judgment ruling with an iron fist, He wants to be connected and close to us, He is full of mercy.  


G-d counts the tears of women.  The rest of the saying goes like this:  


The Woman came from a Man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."


This is beautiful, and true.  It shows us to prevent tears and also how to console tears (in a nutshell). 


Not only is the word woman referring to a woman but to all of Israel.  When Israel is hurting and crying G-d responds with compassion and mercy, this is what He truly wants-to be connected with us-to love us.  Tears show a true repentance, a letting down of our guard and showing of our real selves, nothing else matters at the point of tears, except the matter at hand.  Yes, G-d does count our tears, and maybe we should too.

Full Day Kindergarten-good or bad?

This morning I opened my email and found a news article stating our township was now going to be offering full time kindergarten.

Here is a quote from the article:  "Kindergarten can technically be taught during a half day but the subjects should be taught in a 60-minute block."

Ok, so Kindergarten is basically comprised of 5-6 year olds.  60 minute blocks of time per subject?  Really?  The rest of the article spoke of percentage increases of time spent per subject as compared to now, technology and something about how less discipline would be needed.  Really?  I know college students who get bored after 30 minutes in class.  To top it off, they are using a lottery to see which kids get in this program the first year because there is not enough money yet for all the kids to benefit from a 60 minute per subject, full-time, less disciplined day.   So not only are they telling us how wonderful this new program is but, they are also making it seem all the more appealing by dangling this carrot in front of us and then telling us only some will get it, and some will be forced to go back to mediocre half day-which last year was just wonderful (if you asked them last year I'm sure).


Thirty something years ago in Kindergarten we learned A is for apple and played Farmer in the Dell and Jump Rope.  In first grade we were putting sentences together-the famous first readers with the red cover and then the blue cover and then the yellow cover (see spot run) and we kept advancing to the next book as we became more fluent.   We came home and our moms were waiting for us, we played the afternoon away (isn't play what children's work really is?)  Unfortunately, there is little time for imagination and spontaneous made up games now, it is all arranged and organized.  


These children are missing creativity, allowance to think outside the box, to not only look at an inkblot and make up a story about it but to also make the inkblot themselves.    Were studies done when Abe Lincoln lived in his log cabin and learned from books just by reading them?  Alexander Graham Bell may not have had the insight to create not only the telephone but he also improved the phonograph and helped improve breeding practices for sheep, among other things.   If he were forced into 60 minute blocks of predetermined time as a youth we may be still talking through tin cans.


It is said this full day program is progress.  Is it?  It is a springboard.  It won't be long before preschool (now many are called learning centers) is only full time and it will start at an earlier and earlier age, AND it will be mandatory.  We have fallen in to the system.  It has come in and slowly consumed us.  If we are not watching, if we don't stay aware and in control of our lives and our families it will take over, it has already started.  


Something to think about...