Lag B Omer

It has been a busy week for our family.  Today is the last day of Hebrew School and also my daughter's birthday.  On top of that we are going to celebrate lag B Omer today.  Here is a quick synopsis of what Lag B Omer actually is:

Rabbi Akiva was well known for the saying "Love your fellow as yourself."  He had 24,000 students who did not seem to know how to put these words into action, they treated each other badly.  A great plague came and wiped out all but 5 students.  It is said the students stopped dying on Lag B Omer.  Since the end of a plague would bring great relief, we remember it to this day.  Lag is the numerical equivalent to 33,  it is the 33rd day during the counting of the omer which is all of the days between Passover and Shavuot (49 days in total). 
In addition, one of the 5 students who survived the plague was Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, a great sage. He was the first to study the esoteric teachings of the kabbala.  It is said he hid in a cave for 13 years with his son while the Romans searched for him in order to kill him.  They survived on water that came from a stream right outside his cave and from a Buksir tree (better known as carab).  Gee, water and chocolate for 13 years--G-d is good!  While others have studied kabbalah it is said Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai is the the first to bring it into the world in a revealed way, to prepare the world for messianic times.  His yartzeit also falls on Lag B Omer.  Such joy is felt on this day, to remember a great sage and also the end of a plague.   It is a time to celebrate!

The Couple in the Doctor's Office

I sat in the doctors office earlier today waiting for my turn.  As I sat I noticed 2 women sitting together, one was knitting and the other was commenting every few minutes on how long this was going to take.  I figured they were mother and daughter and they were.  The daughter (who was knitting) was getting annoyed and kept telling her it was not going to take that long.  Finally the doctor came out with the husband/father of these 2 ladies.  The doctor explained to the daughter the condition of her dad and assured her everything was fine.  In the meantime, the mother stood up and slowly walked over to the doctor, with a concerned look on her face, she interrupted and asked how her husband was.  The doctor said he was going to be fine.  She was so relieved, she walked over to her husband, he leaned down and they gave each other such a beautiful tender kiss.  With that the daughter said her mom has alzheimers and it has been very difficult. She gets upset with her but at the same time she knows her mom can't help it.  With this I look over at this elderly couple and they are holding hands and look so attached to each other, I just want to cry.  She is slipping away from him, she is scared of losing him, yet she will be the one who is lost.  On my way home I cried, I couldn't help it.  They were so sweet, still in love, and with time they would not be together, either because one would pass away or she would simply forget. 

So, why do I write about this here?  Because I don't want to lose site of what is important to me, and neither should you.  When all is said and done, our relationships with each other-spouses, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc...the memories we create and reminisce about, the legacy we leave, this is what is important.  Will people be sad to see us go? or will they say good riddens?  What will we be leaving behind?  Insight, laughter, traditions, a love for G-d?

This sweet couple has no idea the impact they had on me, and I can't effectively explain it, it reached deep down.  We never know when someone is watching us and what kind of affect we will have on other people!

Whats the magic word?

Its always heartbreaking to hear of a marriage that is breaking up; it hurts the couple, their children, their family and their friends.  We especially hear the "d" word in Hollywood on a regular basis.  While I don't follow what goes on with tv and the movies and the gossip rags, I always thought of Arnold and Maria as a cool couple, they both seemed to really love and support each other through all of their differences.  Well, we just never know what goes on behind closed doors, only what the headlines at the checkout counter tell us.  However, we can control what goes on behind our closed doors. 

When my husband and I were about to get married we were given advice by the clergy who married us, it was a matter of one word: communication.  Always keep the lines of communication open.  Express your feeling-the guys as well as the girls.  Say what is on your mind. 

Lately we have been running in so many circles that my husband I have not had much time for each other.  With 4 kids, homeschooling, Hebrew School, errands, and activities its no wonder.  We expressed this one day and realized a change had to be made.  While most couples make a date night, this was not possible for us (at the time) so we decided to make a date morning.  Sunday morning the kids get dropped off to Hebrew School and we have almost 3 hours together!  We go for a bagel (cheaper than a dinner) and then to Barnes and Noble across the street (we both love books) or where ever we decided to go and this was our time together.  It gives us time to talk without interruption.  Its been so nice knowing we had this time coming up together, but we would never have had this come about if we hadn't expressed the need to have time together.  Had we just grumbled to ourselves there could be a problem down the road. 

People get married to stay married, so what is it that is causing divorce to be so rampant these days?  I think we were given the right advice 19 years ago, communication.  We need to talk to each other, stay close, express ourselves and truly listen to each other.  Its not easy but our spouse comes before our children.  If our children see we have a strong marriage than they will feel secure.  They need to see we care about each others thoughts, ideas, and feelings.  It all comes down to dialogue, discussion, conversation-----communication.

Happy Anniversary!

We were married 19 years ago on May 16, 1992. 
It's so funny to look back over the past 19+ years and see how life has changed.  My 11 year old son  told me it would be easier to be an adult because as a kid he feels he is pulled in so many directions.  What can I say to that except to say see me in 20 years and let me know how you feel.

We have 4 kids, one was premature with some issues, I also had one miscarriage, the death of close family members including my mom of blessed memory from cancer, and his grandmother who we helped to take care of for 6 years, 3+ years of unemployment, friends have come and gone, turned ourselves into a traditional Jewish family, and just had a car accident together where both cars were involved and my husband was forced to hit my car with his car. 

After the accident I looked at my husbands car and saw it mangled, I realized I didn't know how he was and for a split second was overwhelmed with possibilities going through my mind.  When I saw him and hugged him I just cried and cried because I was so happy he was ok and it hit me just how much I would not want to live without him. 

When asked what makes a good marriage my response is to put the other person first.  If both people do that then its a match made in heaven.  This is something my husband has always done, and I don't know how I got so lucky (figure of speech, since I don't believe in luck).   Hashem has truly blessed us!  I always said my husband is my soul mate, as they say in the movie Ice Age, "She completes you."  So I say my hubby completes me. 

We always look back and say if we knew then what we know now, but one thing is certain I would have my husband and kids all over again!

Ethics of Our Fathers

We get up one morning and poke our heads out the door to discover the bright sunshine, but this time it is accompanied by a slight warm breeze.  Everything we had planned slowly goes out the window-or at least we want it to.   Priorities start to shift, we look out the window and can't wait to be done with what is now the menial task at hand.   Kids have mentally left schoolwork behind, adults wish they could call in sick to work.  Its amazing what a beautiful day can do to us. 

Incidentally, this is also the time of year we left Egypt.  We have been in a land that recognizes every other G-d but ours, physically slaving away for the Pharoah for very little pay and very little rest.  Gee, maybe we are still in Egypt in a way, this all sounds too familiar!

Back then, the Hebrews had to get their act together because they were on their way to receiving the Torah, they had 49 days to go from spiritual depravity to spiritual righteousness.  Each of the 49 days was like a ladder or a gate that they had to walk through until they got to where they needed to be on a spiritual level.  Today we count the Omer for similar reasons. 

Since the beautiful outdoors has such a strong effect on us, there is a custom now during the spring and summer to study Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers, the most widely known tractate from the Mishnah).  Nature is at its strongest right now and  it awakens physical desires within us.  This isn't a bad thing but everything should be in perspective.  Along with this the evil inclination is also awakened.  We dress differently, maybe dress with less on, and we may think on a less spiritual level because our head are elsewhere (yard work, gardening entertaining etc...).  This is where Pirkei Avot comes in.  We study it to reinforce the good inclination, to make it stronger and more powerful.  Ethics of our Fathers is just that-ethics; morals, values, how we should be behaving.  The best time to be reminded of this is when we are out and about with others, typically when the weather is nice and we are more layed back in the spring and summer. 

We are all human and it is easy to forget ourselves sometimes, its nice to know we have something like Pirkei Avot to keep us in check!

Happy Spring, Happy Summer, Happy Mothers Day!

When Evil Dies

There is a lot of talk about Osama Bin Laden these past few days.  People are speculating whether he is really dead and if so, whether we should rejoice in his death.  I went to a Torah Study yesterday and after the study we discussed this very subject.  Of course we were all ears.  I always love a Torah perspective!

When the Jews left Egypt we were followed.  The sea parted for us and then came down on our enemy causing them to drown.  However, we questioned if they really drowned.  This is only normal.  We were afraid because without evidence there was the possibility they could wash up on the shore, survive and still come after us.  So what happened?  It is said the bodies washed up on shore, assuring us they were gone and we were really free.  So,  it is not unreasonable to want proof we are out of harms way.  While we may not really want to see pictures etc....it is totally acceptable to want proof we are safe from those who threaten us.

The second discussion is whether we should rejoice over a person such as Bin Laden being killed.  In speaking of Bin Laden we say he was a terrorist and he killed people, and others say but he is G-d's creation as well.  When we say we are rejoicing, we must know what we are rejoicing about.  We are not necessarily happy a man has died per say; we are rejoicing that the evil he inflicted on others is gone.  The part of him that was a murderer can not hurt anyone anymore.  With Bin Laden gone (or any person who presents a threat) , there are lives that have now been saved.  This is what we can be happy about-or at least breath a sigh of relief.  We do not have to scrutinize over the man as a human being, it is not our job especially since we have never even met him.  We go with what we know. 

To wrap it up it is not unreasonable to want proof of someone's death when that person has been a threat to you, and what we can rejoice over is the lives that have been saved due to his death.

Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Rosh Chodesh!

Today is Rosh Chodesh.
What does this mean?  Rosh means head, Chodesh means month.  It is the head of the month or the first day of the month.  Why should women in particular be happy about this day?  Because it is a special day for us!  Every month, on the Jewish calendar we have the first day of the month to celebrate as a special day for us.
How did this come about?
When we were leaving Egypt we had so many jewels and treasures from the Egyptians it took at least 7 donkeys per person to carry it all.  Can you imagine!?   Fast forward to when Moses was supposed to come down the mountain.  He didn't come down when everyone thought he should so the men decided to make a golden calf.  Where would they get the gold for the golden calf?  They asked the ladies to give up their new jewels.  What would any lady say to this?  No way!  They had faith in Hashem. Because of this we have a special day every month-how cool is that?
How do we celebrate?
It is all up to custom.  Skip a typical tedious task (say that 3 times fast), go out to lunch, go to a Torah study.  Do something to give the day a special meaning, and pass the custom on to your daughters!

The Holocaust

Today was Holocaust Remembrance Day.  My kids and I watched an old movie with Jane Seymour called The Only Way, from 1970.  It focused on a family from Denmark and how the people from Denmark came together to help the Jews. 

We also went to our shul and helped read names of those who perished in the Holocaust.  We heard a survivor tell his story as well.  He went to a camp that did not give out numbers because they just didn't bother to keep track, if you died you died, there were no logs or records of names there.  His family did not make it.  His mother could have made it but she cried to see her son and they took her out of line and that was the end of that.  People went to the showers expecting water and instead were suffocated with gas.  I have listened to a few people who have survived the Holocaust over the past several years tell their story and all of the stories are so different and yet so similar.  My son asked the man who spoke to his class if he has nightmares and his response was, "everyday."  When our speaker was asked how he survived he said he survived because he decided he was going to.  He was 15 when it was all done. 

It amazes me these people can go on and get married, they have families and have careers.   Their faith is incredible.  So far, the people I have met do not blame G-d.  They cling to Him.  The man who spoke to my son's class goes to shul every morning and davens.  G-d can not be blamed for the decisions of man. 

May we never forget what has happened, may the memory of those who perished be a source of blessing and may history not repeat itself.