The Secret Joy of Cleaning for Passover

Every year it is the same thing.  Scrubbing, scraping, boiling hot water,  out with the puffy chametz and in with the humble matzah.  Moving furniture to get in the remotest of corners and having a killer back ache afterwards.

Why all the fuss?  How can anyone look forward to such a thing every year?

Well, I asked myself this very question as I was ready to throw my body into traction from all of the bending and picking up.  Then Hashem provided me with the answer.  It was rather simple, as most answers are, once we actually have the answer!

All people, all religions have very common ideas--treat others as you would want to be treated, give to the poor, do not murder etc...These are ideals between man and man.  Even people who claim to have no belief in a god of any kind will many times have these morals, and be some of the kindest people in the world.

So how do we pay homage to our G-d?  We can pray, sing and study but this only involves the mind (and let's face it, most religions do this).  Not to belittle these things by any means, but G-d created us as physical beings, we need to also use our bodies to show our allegiance to our Creator.

As the expressions says put your money where your mouth is and talk is cheap.  Do we want a spouse that says I love you but never does anything about it?  Do we want kids who say I love you but never do what we ask?  The same with Hashem.  He would love to hear our praises but if we ignore His Torah, His instructions to us, then our talk is cheap.

We need to get the western ideals of all or nothing out of our head.  Perfect is probably not happening. What is perfection anyway?  Intent, desire, trying, doing our best..this is our trek through life.  

So, when it comes to cleaning for Passover, I feel I am actually doing something for Hashem, not for man, but for G-d Himself, as it is written in the Torah to get rid of chametz.  I want to please G-d and I do this for Him, not my neighbor.  

I was raised in a loving home but not in an observant home as I converted later in life and have since discovered Jewish lineage.   When I got into my late 20's and early 30's I felt I was not doing anything for G-d.  Now I know why.  All the goodness I was trying to hand out in G-d's name was for people.  It represented G-d, but it was not something being done directly for G-d.  Cleaning my house for Passover does not affect my neighbor; it affects my family as far as they benefit from it, but the main reason for cleaning for Passover is for Hashem, and only Hashem!

I'm Glad It Was a Bee Sting

A couple of days ago I decided to trim back some bushes in the front yard.  Things are getting overgrown and I want to make space for some new plants.  I stepped up to the 3rd bush of the day and I heard the familiar buzzing.  I looked around and then looked down.  As I spotted the big, fat bee he got me, and got me good.  I screamed, then ran.  I went into the house where my dear daughter promptly got me an ice pack.  Oh did it hurt!  The last time I was stung was 12 years ago, I was pregnant at the time with our 3rd child, and it was December-go figure.

Anyway, I went back outside (yes I am a glutton for punishment) and headed over to the scene of the crime.   As I peered closer to the big thorny bush I noticed a humungous (yes-humungous) nest.  I didn't think it was a bee nest but it was a bee that stung me --- so bee it (lol).  Does a bee sting make one punchy?  Maybe so.

Here is a pic of said nest:

So, my husband comes to look at it and says this is a mud wasp nest.  Mud Wasp?  omg!  (as the 3 year old next door likes to say).  So, lets get this straight, I am clipping away at a bush-innocently I might add-and a bee stings me.  If the bee had not stung me I would have bothered a nest of wasps.  Gasp!  Yes, it is big, No I did not see it, but there were a lot of branches in the way-really, there were and it was getting late-not the brightest part of the day.  I could've been eaten alive by wasps-many wasps.  So, I thank the lone bee that stung me, or should I say warned me, and kept me from multiple wasp stings.  

I have become philosophical in the last 10 years or so, looking at reasons for things and how to apply them to other areas of my life.  How many times do we get hurt, physically or emotionally etc...and wonder why?  Could it be it is to keep something worse from happening?  G-d is the great orchestrator and we are partners with Him.  Things go hand in hand.  

Here is another quick story that may help convince you.

We were expecting baby #4 and knew we needed an addition on the house.  This addition was going on during a drought.  Do you already see where I am going with this?  Yes, of course it rained.  And it rained the night the roof was partly exposed.  Due to our best efforts to cover the exposed roofline with a tarp we woke up to floors that squished when walked upon. The ceiling almost fell in on the baby (BH she was fine) and did fall in on the ginnie pig cage-(BH she survived).  We sucked water out of our carpets for 3 days-no exaggeration.  So much for the drought.   During the following week an electrician came and stood, looking stunned, at our wiring in the wall behind our bed.  He asked me if I smelled any smoke-ever.  I said no.  He said there was a small fire in the wall right behind our bed, it was bad-singed wires, blackened...house could've----well, he was shocked we didn't smell anything.  The contractor just stared at it as well.  What put it out before it got out of hand?  The rain.  

Bee stings and soaked carpets all of a sudden don't sound too bad!

In retrospect all of the things that happen in our lives add up and help make us the person we are today. Its not always easy, its a process, but with faith and some hind sight we can see the silver lining around the cloud! 

Does Size Matter?

While walking down the street I stepped on an.....fill in the blank.  What are some things we can step on?  Candy wrappers, gum, bugs, if you live in our house it would be legos, guitar pics, etc...You would not hear of someone stepping on a piano or an elephant.  Ok, so this sounds strange, but I do have a point.

In this weeks Parsha, Eikev, Deuteronomy 7:12-11:25, G-d is telling us if we do our part, He will do His part.  Simple.  As a result of you keeping the commandments, I will love you, I will keep the covenant for you.  I love Hebrew because it speaks volumes compared to the English.  While Eikev does mean "as a result", it also means heel.  What?  Yes, it means heel.  This is why the Hebrew is so awesome.  When we take a step the first part of our foot to touch the ground is our heel.  Why is this significant?  We just said we would not step on an elephant, but we would step on an ant.  Is the elephant more important than the ant?  No.  Its just bigger.  Translate this to the commandments.  Big and small, or important and not so important.  Sounds harsh to think of some commandments as not so important.  Thats because it is harsh.

What seems to be the smallest commandment carries just as much weight as what may seem to be a bigger and more important commandment.   Its the details, the little things, the behind the scene action that also carries significance, importance.

I met someone who told me they assist the Chevra Kaddisha (Jewish Burial Society) by helping to prepare the body for burial.  Another person explained the importance of washing their hands (ritually) before eating bread every time, someone else kisses the mezzuzah without fail when they leave or enter a building.  Someone shows up every morning for prayers to ensure a minyan in case kaddish needs to be said, a person warmly welcomes strangers into the synagogue to make them feel at home.  Which one of these could we step on with our heel?

My mother in law took care of her mom in her last few years with us.  I would sometimes tuck Nana into bed when my mother in law was out.  One night I turned out the light and said goodnight, walked down the hall and then heard her voice.  I was sure she was calling me so I walked back towards her room.  She was not calling me, she was saying Shema (in Hebrew) and asking G-d to watch over everyone in her life-she named them by name, one by one, she took her time.  I didn't mean to eavesdrop on her prayers but it was beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes.  Was she an observant woman in the way of the "big" mitzvoth?"  No.  But that did not keep her from trampling on this supposed minor one with her heel.

If we are not keeping kosher, we should not let that stop us from saying shema, if we are not keeping Shabbat we can still kiss the mezuzah-these things keep us and spur us on to more things.  In addition, if we are keeping the so called "big" mitzvoth, we should not forget about the little things-these count just as much if not more.

If we feel we can't do any of the mitzvot, we need to think again, start "small".  Starting small can be the biggest step we make, and then we will not be able to crush any of the mitzvot under our heels!

A Torah Lesson from the Olympics

My daughter loves gymnastics.  She has taught herself how to do hand stands, cart wheels, front tucks, back flips etc....her determination is astounding.   I was watching Jordyn Weiber on the balance beam and was awestruck over her focus and determination.  The one performance I watched she did not miss a beat, she was steady as a rock and landed perfectly every time.  I watched other girls who landed but were shaky, yet they did not fall, and of course there will always be someone who tumbles right over to the floor-ouch!

I realized our lives are like the athlete on the balance beam.  We strive to stay on the beam, we don't want to fall.  If we fall we pick ourselves back up and get on again.  Gymnastics uses different techniques to get each move down right.  In life we also need a technique or a tool to help us stay steady.

The tool we have is the Torah.  Torah is all about balance.  It is not about perfection.  Sometimes we land right on, sometimes we waver, sometimes we fall.  The Torah is a tool, and as any tool is used to help make something, in this case us, better.  A chisel, hammer, screw driver, or shovel are all used to make things tighter or looser, bigger or smaller.  The point of the tool is to make the object better, to be used for its purpose it was created for.

The point of the Torah is to make us better, it carves at our soul, it chisels away at our intellect.  As we use this valuable tool Hashem gave us, we change, we improve, slowly over time.  We learn how to treat people, how to make good decisions, how to connect to G-d.

When we make a mistake, go down the wrong path, does this spell disaster?  Can it be fixed?  It is expected that we will go down wrong paths, that we will explore areas unknown and then have to wander back if it was not the right choice.  This is life.  When I was in school I had a teacher say not to worry about the mistakes we make, it is the mistakes we learn from.  In the end we will be stronger than someone who never made that error.  Its true.  So, how can we downplay our mistakes if they help build us up?  Something to ponder.

How do we achieve balance in our lives?  These Olympic athletes are considered to be the best of the best yet they are fallible.  They are good in their own right.  How did they get so good?  By staying focused and practicing and not worrying about each fall and fumble.

As we study Torah and apply it to our lives, we can do as the athletes do-stay focused, practice what we learn, share what we learn.

My favorite verse in the TaNaK comes from Micah 6:8

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?  

Just making it to the Olympics is quite an honor, having the opportunity to do justice, be kind and humbly walk with G-d is quite the honor as well.  

Excuse Me, I Have a Question

A good teacher will love to hear these words.  A bad teacher will not.  Why?  Good question!  The answer is in a book I am reading, Secrets of a Buccaneer Scholar.  From the book he says, "Often, to understand an idea, you need to smash it with a different idea, then see what happens to it."  Basically if we have a good idea it can be developed by poking it with the proverbial stick, if its not such a good idea it will not hold up.

If you are involved in anything where questions are frowned upon then think twice about it.

People will have discussions and someone will say, "Let me play devil's advocate."   This person will undoubtedly be seen as a trouble maker trying to stir up the pot.   No, it is a strengthening tool, it will help further develop your thoughts, help tweak them, or maybe even cause you to dump an idea altogether.

One of the things I love about Judaism and the learning process is, its not about learning a set of rules without question, instead its all about the questions.  It is a well know fact that when you have two Jews in a room you will get 5 opinions (at least).  When students study Torah together they are to ideally pick a partner who sees things differently than they do.  Not only is it possible to read Torah or Talmud with someone and see two different outcomes, reasons or situations, but it is probable. I believe this is the whole purpose of the Talmud, to challenge our brain, to make us question, help us think, develop us as people.  Modern day society has coined the phrase "thinking outside the box", this is what Talmud has been trying to help people do for centuries.

When I was in school I was one of those students who just wanted to take notes, and give it back on the test with a great grade at the end.  I was a good student but this was not learning.  There are no questions, we are gaining some knowledge but, its just sitting there waiting to be filed away in the section of our brain that holds useless information.   Don't get me wrong, I had teachers who encouraged questions but most people were afraid of looking dumb in front of their classmates.  Maybe they should've done as the Yeshiva's do and team people up, teach them how to be a devils advocate, to not be afraid of it.

Another popular phrase today is when we are involved with something we should "own it".  Yes!  How do we do this?  We make it a part of us, we study it, question it, and share it with someone else.  In teaching my own children I have them read or I read and then I ask them to repeat what they have learned.  This helps me know what they know and also solidifies it in their mind.  The sharing after the questioning is also important.  This is true learning.

Growing up I always had people around me who were the same as me.  Now, I still enjoy people with similar interests and views as myself but, I also enjoy those who see things from the other side of the coin.  I really do.  Both types of people are necessary in our lives, one for confirmation and one for challenge.

My husbands grandmother was a rather conservative woman, sensible shoes type person.  Her best friend in the entire world was Leah.  Leah was all loud and full of glitz and glamour.  She would make things up and swear it to be true, she was a riot.  Best friends and so different.  As they got older they promised each other not to go to the other side without the other one.  They are both gone now.  Just watching them together all of these years was an education and proof we need all kinds of people in this world, especially those who make us question.

Counting Our Tears

What does it mean when we cry?  It can be tears of sadness or tears of joy.  In either case, when we are brought to the point of tears we are then at the point of honesty.  We can lie to others, we can lie to ourselves, we can lie to G-d.  Our defenses are down for sure when we get to the point of tears. 

I watched a movie years ago called A Stranger Among Us starring Melanie Griffith.  The movie was excellent and I have watched it several times since then.  Basically it is about a murder and subsequent theft of jewels in a Jewish community.  Melanie Griffith plays an undercover cop disguised as a Jewish woman.  Sure that this is an inside job, she discreetly tries to blend in and find the murderer.  


Throughout the movie she learns many Jewish laws and customs and so does the audience.  She also learns the love and compassion a community like this can have for each other and for G-d.


In one scene a man is reading from the Kabbalah and says, "G-d counts the tears of women." When I heard this I felt there is comfort and protection from a G-d who hurts when I hurt.


There is a midrash that speaks of G-d crying.  Why?   This seems like a crazy notion.  The reason G-d is crying is because the Temple has been destroyed and Israel does not seem to understand the implications of this.  He loves His children so much and we have now distanced ourselves from Him.  Since we are a part of Him this separation causes our Father to shed tears.  What will arouse compassion in the Almighty is if He were to see us cry as well, then He will see how we don't want the separation anymore than He does.  


Any parent will understand this.  Our kids do something against our wishes, we get upset, we don't understand how this could be, we may cry over it.  Then, our children realize what they have done and they cry.  What is our response?  We feel a healing, a bonding, and we end up with a closer relationship than before because we have gone through this process together.  We end up with compassion for our kids, just like G-d will have compassion for us.  


G-d is not a being full of judgment ruling with an iron fist, He wants to be connected and close to us, He is full of mercy.  


G-d counts the tears of women.  The rest of the saying goes like this:  


The Woman came from a Man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."


This is beautiful, and true.  It shows us to prevent tears and also how to console tears (in a nutshell). 


Not only is the word woman referring to a woman but to all of Israel.  When Israel is hurting and crying G-d responds with compassion and mercy, this is what He truly wants-to be connected with us-to love us.  Tears show a true repentance, a letting down of our guard and showing of our real selves, nothing else matters at the point of tears, except the matter at hand.  Yes, G-d does count our tears, and maybe we should too.

Full Day Kindergarten-good or bad?

This morning I opened my email and found a news article stating our township was now going to be offering full time kindergarten.

Here is a quote from the article:  "Kindergarten can technically be taught during a half day but the subjects should be taught in a 60-minute block."

Ok, so Kindergarten is basically comprised of 5-6 year olds.  60 minute blocks of time per subject?  Really?  The rest of the article spoke of percentage increases of time spent per subject as compared to now, technology and something about how less discipline would be needed.  Really?  I know college students who get bored after 30 minutes in class.  To top it off, they are using a lottery to see which kids get in this program the first year because there is not enough money yet for all the kids to benefit from a 60 minute per subject, full-time, less disciplined day.   So not only are they telling us how wonderful this new program is but, they are also making it seem all the more appealing by dangling this carrot in front of us and then telling us only some will get it, and some will be forced to go back to mediocre half day-which last year was just wonderful (if you asked them last year I'm sure).


Thirty something years ago in Kindergarten we learned A is for apple and played Farmer in the Dell and Jump Rope.  In first grade we were putting sentences together-the famous first readers with the red cover and then the blue cover and then the yellow cover (see spot run) and we kept advancing to the next book as we became more fluent.   We came home and our moms were waiting for us, we played the afternoon away (isn't play what children's work really is?)  Unfortunately, there is little time for imagination and spontaneous made up games now, it is all arranged and organized.  


These children are missing creativity, allowance to think outside the box, to not only look at an inkblot and make up a story about it but to also make the inkblot themselves.    Were studies done when Abe Lincoln lived in his log cabin and learned from books just by reading them?  Alexander Graham Bell may not have had the insight to create not only the telephone but he also improved the phonograph and helped improve breeding practices for sheep, among other things.   If he were forced into 60 minute blocks of predetermined time as a youth we may be still talking through tin cans.


It is said this full day program is progress.  Is it?  It is a springboard.  It won't be long before preschool (now many are called learning centers) is only full time and it will start at an earlier and earlier age, AND it will be mandatory.  We have fallen in to the system.  It has come in and slowly consumed us.  If we are not watching, if we don't stay aware and in control of our lives and our families it will take over, it has already started.  


Something to think about...

I Know I Am Here Somewhere

I was watching my 2 dogs go on one of their many romps in the woods, thinking how just a few short years ago our oldest dog, Trina (9), was only interested in lying around, even lost interest in her tennis ball!  We were worried about her.  Then came Shelby, a precocious 1-2 year old Sheltie who we figure if she was human would be declared adhd!  Shelby has gotten Trina off her duff and they will spend hours hunting chipmunks and anything else in the woods.  It is wonderful to see the spark again in Trina's eyes-I wish they would live forever.

Such soulful eyes

I know something is under here!

My observation is how one being can affect another, whether it is animal or human.   We become like those we associate with.  Its true.  When I see 1 or 2 kids hanging out I don't worry, but a group of kids can be a problem.  All it takes is one to have a bad idea and now a whole group of kids will more or less follow along.  

In Tehillim (Psalms) it says:  Happy is the man who has not followed the council of the wicked, or taken the path of sinners....

People are meant to be together, we are meant to fellowship, play and work together.  The point is to watch who you do that with.  If animals can be swayed to act differently, then we certainly can.  

I had a friend for many years,  we eventually lost touch and it wasn't until she was out of my life for a few weeks that I realized she was stifling me.  I was thinking and acting like her until she left.  Now I had an open slate to discover and act on who I really was, I felt such unexpected relief and it has been amazing!  Seriously check out who you are spending time with and evaluate it.  Are you doing what they do just because they do it (this happens within reason in relationships but I mean to a point where you have lost yourself)?

I like when my kids play with certain friends because they are a good influence on each other, I recognize my children.  Other friends I try to deter because my kids come home and act strange and out of sorts.  If your kids are acting up, check out their friends and make changes if need be.  It doesn't mean this other child (or adult in our case) is mean or evil, it can just be a bad match, someone who doesn't click with us.

  Do we want to be more health conscious or spiritual?  Then be with these people. If you are not happy with what is going on in your life then see who you are hanging around, who is influencing you.  An environment really can help form our thoughts and actions.  

Lesson from my Laundry Line

In the quest to save money my husband put up a clothes line.

I really liked the idea, ok I loved the idea!  Why though?   Its just  clothes line, a piece of rope hung between 2 pieces of wood.  I am continually amazed at the lessons I learn from the simple unexpected pleasures in life.   Typically I take the crumbled up pieces of clothing out of the washer and throw them in the dryer.  When the load is done I take the pile of clothes and put them in a basket to be sorted out later, or try to have my kids do it.  (its not a favorite, although my 2 oldest seem to do well with this task).  Its like being in a factory, mass production.  

Now I have done about 6 loads of laundry and have hung them on the line outside.  The little stump with the platform is for the laundry basket so I do not have to lean down to the ground-my husband is a genius.  I am forced to take each piece of clothing out of the basket and hang it up individually.  When it is all dry, I take each one down and fold it.   It is the whole process of having to go outside, feeling the sun or slight breeze, using the clothes pins--its a package deal.  Until you do it yourself you may not understand, but treating each piece of clothing individually is transforming, in the realm of clothing and other areas of life.  Each piece now matters, time has been taken with it, to care for it.  Everything we own should be treated as such.  

Gone are the days of handmade wares, we live in the world of mass production--Walmart vs. mom and pop.  I love the thrift stores with a treasure that is well made and has a story or 2 behind it vs. box store plastic that will fall apart.  The laundry line has reaffirmed this for me, has brought me back to a time where we care for each item we own vs. not remembering what we have because it is buried in a closet.  

Ok, so I am not putting down the dryer-I still have mine-but, my clothes line has taught me to appreciate each thing we own and to care for it, wether its a sock or an expensive blouse-they are equally important (have you ever missed a sock-especially in the dryer?)

Something I just wanted to share :)

How Much Do We Expect?

Which holidays do most Jews take part in?  Passover, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.  I find it strange and fascinating that the holidays that require the most effort from us are the ones we observe the most.  Passover is a major ordeal with cleaning out chametz and eating special food, a dinner party that lasts all night.  The high holidays of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur bring people out in droves to shul; where there may be typically 50 people at a service, now there is hundreds.  And of course lets not forget the fasting.  These holidays require a lot from us.  What about Purim, Tu B' Shevat, Shavuot, Lag B Omer?  Not much required here and not much done here. 

So what is the point I am making?  When little is expected, little is done.  When much is expected, much is done. 

How many times have you given your child a chore to do and they never seem to do it?  But, if you give them 3 things to do, they will do 1 or 2 of them.  Much is expected, so they do accomplish something.  It is the same in the adult world.  When I have a really busy day I get so much accomplished.  On the rare occasion I have just a few things to do, nothing gets done. 

Why have the Jewish people lasted so long against all odds when other nations have perished?  We have been persecuted and exiled and yet we still exist.  Its because we value the Torah.  In Devarim (Deuteronomy) it says my law is not too difficult for you.  So, is Hashem saying follow my law to the letter and you will be ok, you will be "saved" as some people like to put it?  No, this is western thinking.  What I think is meant by this is here is my Torah, do it.  Do your best, keep trying, I love you and just ask that you love me back by listening. 
Will we be like our kids and do 3 things when 5 are expected?  Most likely.  Does Hashem know this about us?  Yes.  Am I giving permission here to slack off?  Certainly not.  Doing everything would be fabulous, and is our goal.  The point is there has to be much expected or we would do nothing.  The more we do, the more we do.  When we do less and less then we will eventually do nothing and we would miss out on the beauty of the Torah and our relationship with Hashem and with each other.  Do we not want our children to have self respect and integrity?  We make sure they don't sit on their rear end all day, we give them projects, chores, books to read.  As they get older they get even more responsibility.  However, with more responsibility comes more privelege.  In the material world it means the ability to make our own choices, in the spiritual world it means more understanding so we can benefit more from our actions. 

How wonderful Hashem is that He expects much of us so we would always have something to grasp onto, something to keep us close to Him and each other, to live a more spiritual life.

Why Do We Call it the High Holidays?

Why do we call Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur the High Holidays?  How about the Days of Awe?  I woke up with this on my mind and realize G-d has given me some introspection on the matter.  

We have been told over the years this is a solemn time, a happy time, a sorrowful time.  So what gives?  I think what we need to do is focus on the words high and awe.  What are they associated with?  High also means lofty, towering, soaring.  Awe means wonderment, respect.  This does not sound like a sad, scary time waiting for G-d's wrath to come down and cause us all to perish because we did something wrong this past year.

I explained to my kids the purpose of this time is joyful because we all count.  Yes, we all make mistakes and we need to ask forgiveness from those we have offended and also from G-d.  But we need not dwell on this.  Once we do it we are done.  Be sincere and be done.  Why should we not dwell on our past mistakes?  Because they are in the past and G-d doesn't want us to dwell on them, He wants us to acknowledge them, ask forgiveness from them, learn from them and move on.

Our focus during these days after all is on G-d. The fact that He loves us enough to help us evaluate ourselves, to help us improve ourselves, that we count!  Our actions matter!  Our focus is on the Almighty our Creator, this is joyful, this is what "awe" and "high" are all about!  Then to show we get it we go live in a sukkah (or at least eat in one), a symbolism of how our ancestors trusted the Almighty when leaving Egypt so long ago and we still do to this day.  Sukkot brings things full circle, its a time to forgive and forget, it is a joyful time between each other and G-d our Creator!

The Messiah Can Wait, I Am Planting a Tree

In the Talmud it is said that if the Messiah were to come we should keep planting instead of dropping what we are doing to follow him.  Does this sound strange?  Wouldn't we want to stop doing what we are doing so we can follow him?  The answer is no.  If we answer yes then we do not understand our own importance in bringing in the Messianic redemption.

If we are to stop our mitzvot then the redemption will cease.  If we stop what we are doing to follow a Messiah then we are following a false Messiah.  An example would be the xtian doctrine that says J-s-s did away with the law.  We should stop following Torah to follow J-s-s?  Definitely a false Messiah.  Anything or anyone that comes along and says we don't need Torah is leading us astray.  By the way, the man who lived then that is now called J-s-s was a Torah Observant Jew, his teachings have been tampered with to fit a new religion.

We are the key, we need to keep planting, plants grow and flourish and provide new fruit, new seed for another generation.  We can not stop fulfilling our purpose thinking someone else can come along and take over.   Let us never lose our zeal for Torah and Mitzvot.

Jewish Education Begins at Home

I came across this article online in a newspaper called The Forward.  It expresses my feelings pretty well so I thought I would share it here.  I was surprised to see I actually knew the author as well.  My husband, kids and I attended his shul on occassion.  Shabbat Shalom everyone! 

Published Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Jewish Education Begins at Home

Opinion

By Justus Baird

Passover is over this year, but I can’t stop thinking about the educational brilliance of the holiday. Passover is high-impact and low-cost. It’s family-based and grass-roots. And almost like magic, Passover needs no professional support: If all the rabbis, educators, synagogue presidents and federation fundraisers got lost wandering in the desert for 40 years, Jews across the world would still celebrate Passover. All Jewish education programs should be more like Passover.
Jewish education in America is at a crossroads. No generation of Jews has ever seen such a flourishing of learning opportunities: day schools, charter schools, supplementary schools, camps, travel encounters and, more recently, tech-based tools. We have put our best minds and no small amount of money into Jewish education, yet still not enough Jews are leading Jewish lives. What’s going wrong?

Passover may have the answer. Jewish education is failing because we have abandoned the quintessential Jewish pedagogy: family-based learning. With only a Haggadah and memories from childhood, parents and grandparents use the tried-and-true methods of the four questions, the four children and story-telling to transmit Jewish tradition with no Jewish professionals in sight.
Unfortunately, flagship Jewish education programs — day schools, camps and Birthright trips — send a bad message to parents: “Just give us your kids, and let us professionals turn them into Jews!” And the high cost of flagship programs means that they are unsustainable without massive communal investment.

There is another way. The same studies that show the incremental impact of high-cost programs also show that what happens at home is a primary long-term indicator of future Jewish life. It makes sense: If parents are serious about passing along the tradition, it will matter to the kids. Surprisingly, such wisdom has been right before our eyes all the time. The Sh’ma prayer commands us: v’shinantem levanekha, “impress [these teachings] upon your children” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Many Jews know the prayer, but too few of us heed its call to pass along Jewish tradition directly to our children and grandchildren. Instead, we ask professionals to do all the work.

Telling parents that professionals can teach Judaism to their kids better than they can is wrong. Learning to be Jewish is not like learning math or sports or ballet. Jewish tradition is passed on l’dor vador — from generation to generation — by living it out.

Maybe it’s time to slay some sacred cows of Jewish education: More and better-trained Jewish professionals and more financial resources will not solve the education crisis. The solution is to put families back at the center of Jewish education.

If parents are not serious about Jewish life at home, then even the best $30,000-a-year day school is likely to be a poor investment. We need to direct our money and our creativity toward helping parents and grandparents take back their God-given responsibility to be the transmitters of Jewish tradition.
That’s why I’m experimenting with a family-based supplementary education program in central New Jersey called Yerusha. It costs $30 a month per child. We’ve found that with some educational guidance in the form of curricula and resources, parents and grandparents absolutely love teaching their own kids and their friends’ kids about Judaism (and the kids love it, too). By taking charge of transmitting Jewish tradition to their kids, parents themselves become curious learners and more confident Jews. The impact of empowering parents should not be surprising, given how successful Passover is.

There are many other family-based education programs, but there aren’t enough. Why can’t Jewish camping be more family-based? Why can’t the bar/bat mitzvah process be more family-based? Why can’t we put fewer resources into workbooks for kids and more resources into teaching tools for parents?

There are many barriers to family-based education. Parents feel ignorant and believe that only rabbis or educators can teach Judaism to their kids. They are over-worked and have no extra time. The drop-off syndrome is deeply ingrained. Nuclear families, rather than extended families, are the norm, which means that few grandparents are around to help.

Let’s tackle these barriers by putting at least as much effort into raising Jewish families as we do into raising Jewish funds. Let’s listen to the educational wisdom of Passover, the most celebrated Jewish holiday. Let’s stop encouraging hands-off Judaism, and start encouraging families to get their hands dirty with the daily work of transmitting Jewish tradition. Our Jewish lives will be richer for it, our Jewish lives will cost less, and our kids will love and live Judaism a lot more.

Rabbi Justus Baird is director of the Center for Multifaith Education at Auburn Theological Seminary in New York.

Preparing Our Children for Marriage

Marriage is a scary word for some, an anticipated word for others.  Little girls dress up in their mothers high heels and put on dresses that won't fit for many years just to pretend to get married-I know I did.  Boys don't seem quite as anxious.

So when is the best time to start preparing our kids for marriage?  Its something we do from the beginning.  Teaching our kids about relationships between friends, siblings, parents and of course Hashem.  Giving, recieving, forgiving, sharing, sympathy, empathy, love for fellow man.  These take years to acquire in the physical world.  The more we have Hashem in our lives, the more He is truly a part of our daily process and not a mere after thought when we or a loved one is ill.

Our kids watch mommy and daddy-the good and the bad-and there is plenty of both in all households.  Kids can learn from the bad too, saying, "Well I will never do that".  They're pretty smart.  In other worlds kids do not need the perfect environment to grow in, they do need love, attention and undertstanding.  They need someone to care, so they will turn around and do the same.  They need to feel they count.  I ask my kids for their opinion on things.  They love this.  They see mommy and daddy asking each other for advice/opinions on things.  As they are growing they know they matter and will turn around and ask the opinion of their spouse.

Where does Hashem fit in all of this? We are not purely physical beings, we have a soul we need to connect to as well, just as we wash our hands and brush our teeth to take care of the physical body, the spiritual us must be nurtured.   We tell our kids now to take advantage of opportunities before they grow up because once they have jobs and a family time is limited for these pursuits.  Other things will take precedence.  The same is true of our spiritual lives, we have to go in with certain things already learned.  While we never should stop learning, there are basics that should be a natural part of our lives before we take on a spouse and family.  It creates a maturity in a relationship, enhances and nourishes the physical, makes it really count.

This year for our homeschooling we are going through a book called Encyclopedia of Biblical Personalities. There is so much to be learned from our ancestors.  An example of things we have taught our kids on the spiritual end are to say modeh ani in the morning, blessings before eating, shema in the morning and at night.  We have access to books in our house, they are visible even if not all of our kids are avid readers now.  We have Jewish things in our home, mezzuzahs in the doorways which we taught them to kiss.  They each have their own Hanukiah which makes the holiday more theirs, as we all get to light.  Reading is great but we must include the doing because it connects the physical with the spiritual.  We go through Psalms and talk about it, usually before bed.  These are not huge time consuming things yet they are spread throughout the day and in everything we do, whether walking through a doorway, eating, or waking up.  There are so many more things but these I have found are easily adaptable to our lives because they connect us to the creator, help us not to forget.

The whole point of the Torah is to change us for the better.  Its great to read and gain insight but then what do we do with it?  If we pass it on to our kids and it turns us into more loving and understanding people who see Hashem's hand in this world then we are doing well.  People in general like the familiar, so while we can say they have free will (yes, true) and can choose to leave certain things behind, this should give us more motivation while they are under our roof and our responsibility.    Proverbs 22 says to train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.  Our kids may get sidetracked on a winding road, but they will have our teachings (G-d's teachings) to get back on the straight path.

When our children have a possible mate in mind, he will have all of these things as part of his makeup which should help in the choosing.   We are always helping to prepare our children for marriage and life ahead. 

Do I Have To Be A Scholar?

We home school our kids.  This does not make me a brainiac or scholar.  Education is more than passing on information, its character development, knowledge that changes a way people think, or at least enhances thoughts we already have.  It is experiencing people and life in general.  I am not of the opinion that it takes millions of dollars and a pristine football field to properly educate a child.  What does it take?  Desire, ambition, drive, willingness.  These things can not be bought, they are priceless.   My daughter watches youtube to learn gymnastics, my son used to watch tutorials to learn some advanced guitar playing methods.  We go to the library, take field trips, talk to people, especially older people who pass on real history (because they lived through it).  If we look and see we can take the power of education back into our own hands, institutions do not have to be the necessity they have become.   Everything has its place, I'm not saying throw out schools altogether, what I am saying is let it be one of many choices, not the dominant choice.

The Torah is important, is meant for all people to read and gain wisdom from.   If something as important as Torah is attainable for even the layman than do not short change yourself and think you can't teach basic living and basic academics to your kids?
If we can't do it ourselves we can join a co-op or get a tutor for certain subjects, or even have an older sibling help teach the younger one.  I believe we are ultimately supposed to work together to get things done vs. rely on a system as the primary educator.   Notice the word "primary."
If you truly can't or really don't feel the desire to homeschool your kids yet you see the benefit of it, rest assured, if you send your kids to school you do not have to lose control of their education, you can be as involved as you want to be, and you, being the parent, will still be the primary example for your child.

Here is an interesting example of that.  A friend was over the other day and we got to talking about different religions.  She said she watched a Mormon church go up in a day while she was working in her office across the street.  The foundation gets poured the week before, and then car loads of people come in shifts taking turns to get the structure done.  Wow.  How amazing is that?  Anyone that has had a house built or had an addition put on their home knows the struggles and length of time involved.  But this is the point.  Everyone had a skill, a skill different from the next person, and put them together and a whole project is complete.

While leadership is important and institutions have a role somewhere for some people, I think we would be better off if we take back our families and our lives and all work together.  

Rhythms of Jewish Living

I'm reading a neat book now called The Rhythms of Jewish Living-A Sephardic Approach.  I found it in our shul library.  Here is an excerpt from chapter 2.

When we attempt to understand the Torah and authentic Jewish spirituality, we need to be mindful of the strong cultural biases we have inherited from the Western philosophic tradition.  The urbanization and westernization of Jews over the past centuries have moved us away from the central religious insights of the Torah tradition.  As we open our eyes more to the outdoors, to the rhythms of nature, we will come into relationship with G0d, Creator of the universe.  The Torah and its words are guides to experience, symbols of undefined and undefinable truths.  Jewish spirituality enatails appreciating the value of calm, natural wisdom, and being aware of the limitations of abstract, analytic, systematic philosophy.

I thought this was very interesting, and food for thought over shabbat and the remainder of the weekend. 

Shabbat Shalom!

I'll Give You Something to Cry About

Have we all heard this saying?  When our kids whine over something that is actually nothing, when we see blessings as curses, its like we are crying over nothing.  So, when G-d was giving us this fabulous land to live in, our response was to sing thanks and praise and move in.  What did we do?  We cried-on the 9th of Av.  Oy vey.  So, as the secular saying goes, we are now being given something to cry about.  On this day throughout history there have been many other calamaties:


422 BCE  First temple destroyed

70 CE   Second temple destroyed

Bar Kokhba revolt was stopped by the Romans

First crusade began killing 10,000 Jews

We were expelled from England

We were expelled from Spain

WWI broke out,  making way for WWII and the Holocaust

Jews were deported from Warsaw Ghetto to Treblinka on the eve of Tish B'Av

Is Tish B'Av a punishment from G-d?  I don't think so.  What I think it is is a reminder of how we did not trust Him.  He took us out of Egypt, parted the sea, fed us in the desert, and now we won't enter the land?  Now we become scared and cry?  The other part of this picture is us.  It is not G-d punishing us, we are our own worst enemies sometimes.  Even though we left Egypt etc....it would never have happened if we didn't take part.  We physically listened to G-d by doing what He asked.  Moses went up against Pharoah, a man went into the sea up to his neck out of faith before G-d parted the water, we built the tabernacle in the desert.  Everything involved us, He wasn't going to do these things while we sit and watch.  We are the key.  We don't have to be sitting here fasting, we could be rejoicing.  We are the solution.  The land is wonderful, the temple is wonderful, but we have G0d in us, we have the power to change this world with G0d leading the way.  We have to want it. 

Let's rejoice on Tish B'Av next year!

School vs. Education

I read this on another web site, www.torahhomeschooling.com, and it was too crucial not to repost.  

 

Of Daffodils and Diesels

Author Unknown

I’m not very good in school. This is my second year in the seventh grade, and I’m bigger than most of the other kids. The kids like me all right, even though I don’t say much in class, and that sort of makes up for what goes on in school. I don’t know why the teachers don’t like me. They never have. It seems like they don’t think you know anything unless you can name the book it comes out of.
I read a lot at home—things like Popular Mechanics and Sports Illustrated and the Sears catalog—but I don’t just sit down and read them through like they make us do in school. I use them when I want to find something out, like a batting average or when Mom buys something secondhand and wants to know if she’s getting a good price.

In school, though, we’ve got to learn whatever is in the book and I just can’t memorize the stuff. Last year I stayed after school every night for two weeks trying to learn the names of the presidents. Some of them were easy, like Washington and Jefferson and Lincoln, but there must have been 30 altogether and I never did get them straight. I’m not too sorry, though, because the kids who learned the presidents had to turn right around and learn all the vice presidents.

I am taking the seventh grade over, but our teacher this year isn’t interested in the names of the presidents. She has us trying to learn the names of all the great American inventors. I guess I just can’t remember the names in history. Anyway, I’ve been trying to learn about trucks because my uncle owns three and he says I can drive one when I’m 16. I know the horsepower and gear ratios of 26 American trucks and want to operate a diesel. Those diesels are really something. I started to tell my teacher about them in science class last week when the pump we were using to make a vacuum in a bell jar got hot, but she said she didn’t see what a diesel engine has to do with our experiment on air pressure, so I just shut up. The kids seemed interested, though. I took four of them around to my uncle’s garage after school and we watched his mechanic tear down a big diesel engine. He really knew his stuff.

I’m not very good in geography, either. They call it economic geography this year. We’ve been studying the imports and exports of Turkey all week, but I couldn’t tell you what they are. Maybe the reason is that I missed school for a couple of days when my uncle took me downstate to pick up some livestock. He told me where we were headed and I had to figure out the best way to get there and back. He just drove and turned where I told him. It was over 500 miles round trip and I’m figuring now what his oil cost and the wear and tear on the truck—he calls it depreciation—so we’ll know how much we made. When we got back I wrote up all the bills and sent letters to the farmers about what their pigs and cattle brought at the stockyard. My aunt said I only made 3 mistakes in 17 letters, all commas. I wish I could write school themes that way. The last one I had to write was on “What a daffodil thinks of Spring,” and I just couldn’t get going.

I don’t do very well in arithmetic, either. Seems I just can’t keep my mind on the problems. We had one the other day like this: If a 57 foot telephone pole falls across a highway so that 17 and 3/4 feet extend from one side and 14 and 16/17 feet extend from the other, how wide is the highway? That seemed to me like an awfully silly way to get the size of a highway. I didn’t even try to answer it because it didn’t say whether the pole had fallen straight across or not.
Even in shop class I don’t get very good grades. All of us kids made a broom holder and a bookend this semester and mine were sloppy. I just couldn’t get interested. Mom doesn’t use a broom anymore with her new vacuum cleaner, and all of our books are in a bookcase with glass doors in the family room. Anyway, I wanted to make a tailgate for my uncle’s trailer, but the shop teacher said that meant using metal and wood both, and I’d have to learn how to work with wood first. I didn’t see why, but I kept quiet and made a tie tack even though my dad doesn’t wear ties. I made the tailgate after school in my uncle’s garage, and he said I saved him $20. Government class is hard for me, too.

I’ve been staying after school trying to learn the Articles of Confederation for almost a week, because the teacher said we couldn’t be a good citizen unless we did. I really tried because I want to be a good citizen. I did hate to stay after school, though, because a bunch of us guys from Southend have been cleaning up the old lot across from Taylor’s Machine Shop to make a playground out of it for the little kids from the Methodist home. I made the jungle gym out of the old pipe, and the guys put me in charge of things. We raised enough money collecting scrap this month to build a wire fence clear around the lot.

Dad says I can quit school when I’m 16. I’m sort of anxious to because there are a lot of things I want to learn.

Finding Spirituality

As I was driving down a busy road I passed by a church that had something written on its sign in small print and then in big print it said SONRISE.  A few miles down from there, on the opposite side of the road, I saw a Muslim place of worship and it had a banner out front announcing their monthly fast.  Twenty minutes more of driving and I ended up in a Jewish community, which is where I was headed, and it was bustling with people getting ready for Shabbat.  The cashier said the lines are always long on Friday afternoons. 

This all got me to thinking of how people are looking for something beyond the reach of their hands.  Our physical being is not all we are made of.  If this were true we would not be remembered the way we are once we are gone.  Why?  We have feelings, emotions, we interact, we contribute, we are part of each other-all of this is a part of our spiritual selves-this is the part that means something.  Our physical body carries out who we are, its important but, dare I say not as important as the unseen?  We need our bodies no doubt, but its not who we are.  Why else do people who have everything they need still feel empty?  Because they don't have everything they need, in reality they could have nothing.
 
When a favorite dress is outgrown, or a piece of china breaks we become upset but do we bury it, have services and visit it 20 years later?  No, but why not?  We put so much time into acquiring these things.  Because in reality they don't matter.  Even people who don't go to a place of worship or have much spiritual emphasis in their lives, still show they need what the physical world can't provide.  Love, courage, respect, integrity.  None of these are physical, so what category do they fall into?  Morality?  Where does morality come from?  It can't be seen.  However, even this will turn out not to be enough.  Why?  Because we are not getting to the source.  The worst criminal can have some moral convictions.  What is the source of our being, of who we really are?  What do we stand for?  Why?  Its G0d.  Hashem, Adonai.  The creator of all.  He is our ultimate goal. 

What is important is what is not seen.  We have the written words of the Torah which are very, very important but what is not seen is what was not written down initially, the hows and whys of the Torah-the carrying out of this holy book. 

There is  a love that comes from G0d that does surpass all understanding, it warms like nothing else and it is so intense that we have to pass it on.  When we are told to be a light to the world, it is not just the brightness of the light, but the warmth of the light.  When you stand next to something hot you get hot.  When a pot sits on a stove or in an oven full of delicious food ready to be cooked it is lacking something-heat that comes from light.   Only then will it be delicious.  My Nana, of blessed memory, used to call my kids delicious.  Are we delicious to the world?  Have we lost our sense, our purpose, what is important? 

When people are with us do they sense coldness or heat?  Everyone is looking for G0d, they may not call Him G0d, but we all need Him, we lack without Him.   We are his partner.  If we truly search for G0d He will show us what He wants from us, how to act, raise our kids, be a good spouse, neighbor, etc...isn't this what its all about?

Shabbat Shalom!

It Takes Time

I am reading a book right now on how to heal my back pain naturally.  While I am going to a chiropractor, orthopedist and pain specialist I always feel the need to do my own research, expecially when the doctors don't sound overly positive about the end results.  It is a wonderful book so far, the author, Art Brownstein,  has person experience with this and speaks of how the body, mind and soul work together.  There are always blessings, or at the very least things to learn, in these inconveniences in our lives. 

From Healing Back Pain Naturally:  When you stretch a specific muscle group, you are strengthening other muscle groups as well.  Every opposing muscle in the body gets strengthened when you stretch its counterpart.  It is impossible not to get stronger even if you are only concentrating on stretching.

Leviticus 19 speaks of how we should treat each other:  don't spread gossip, judge with righteousness, not to steal or lie, or rob a man of his wages.  And love your fellow as yourself. Rabbi Akiva says this is he great principle of the Torah. 

So what does back pain have to do with how we treat each other?  We can see how everything is connected.  In our bodies our muscles effect each other, strengthening one strengthens the rest.  We may each be individuals but collectively we are one body.  When we strengthen ourselves we can't help but be a positive influence on those around us.  Just as stretching and healing weak and/or hurting muscles takes time,  being an encouragement to those who don't want to be encouraged or strengthened will also take time.

One smile or good deed will not turn a person around but it is a start.  We can't give up on each other, we have to be there for those around us, and vice versa, when something gets us down we can count on someone to be there for us, to cheer us up and get us going again.  

This reasoning may help when confronting an unpleasant situation, if we look at it from a different angle as an opportunity to do good in the world.   Back pain and relatonships-it all takes time.