How Much Do We Expect?

Which holidays do most Jews take part in?  Passover, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.  I find it strange and fascinating that the holidays that require the most effort from us are the ones we observe the most.  Passover is a major ordeal with cleaning out chametz and eating special food, a dinner party that lasts all night.  The high holidays of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur bring people out in droves to shul; where there may be typically 50 people at a service, now there is hundreds.  And of course lets not forget the fasting.  These holidays require a lot from us.  What about Purim, Tu B' Shevat, Shavuot, Lag B Omer?  Not much required here and not much done here. 

So what is the point I am making?  When little is expected, little is done.  When much is expected, much is done. 

How many times have you given your child a chore to do and they never seem to do it?  But, if you give them 3 things to do, they will do 1 or 2 of them.  Much is expected, so they do accomplish something.  It is the same in the adult world.  When I have a really busy day I get so much accomplished.  On the rare occasion I have just a few things to do, nothing gets done. 

Why have the Jewish people lasted so long against all odds when other nations have perished?  We have been persecuted and exiled and yet we still exist.  Its because we value the Torah.  In Devarim (Deuteronomy) it says my law is not too difficult for you.  So, is Hashem saying follow my law to the letter and you will be ok, you will be "saved" as some people like to put it?  No, this is western thinking.  What I think is meant by this is here is my Torah, do it.  Do your best, keep trying, I love you and just ask that you love me back by listening. 
Will we be like our kids and do 3 things when 5 are expected?  Most likely.  Does Hashem know this about us?  Yes.  Am I giving permission here to slack off?  Certainly not.  Doing everything would be fabulous, and is our goal.  The point is there has to be much expected or we would do nothing.  The more we do, the more we do.  When we do less and less then we will eventually do nothing and we would miss out on the beauty of the Torah and our relationship with Hashem and with each other.  Do we not want our children to have self respect and integrity?  We make sure they don't sit on their rear end all day, we give them projects, chores, books to read.  As they get older they get even more responsibility.  However, with more responsibility comes more privelege.  In the material world it means the ability to make our own choices, in the spiritual world it means more understanding so we can benefit more from our actions. 

How wonderful Hashem is that He expects much of us so we would always have something to grasp onto, something to keep us close to Him and each other, to live a more spiritual life.

Why Do We Call it the High Holidays?

Why do we call Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur the High Holidays?  How about the Days of Awe?  I woke up with this on my mind and realize G-d has given me some introspection on the matter.  

We have been told over the years this is a solemn time, a happy time, a sorrowful time.  So what gives?  I think what we need to do is focus on the words high and awe.  What are they associated with?  High also means lofty, towering, soaring.  Awe means wonderment, respect.  This does not sound like a sad, scary time waiting for G-d's wrath to come down and cause us all to perish because we did something wrong this past year.

I explained to my kids the purpose of this time is joyful because we all count.  Yes, we all make mistakes and we need to ask forgiveness from those we have offended and also from G-d.  But we need not dwell on this.  Once we do it we are done.  Be sincere and be done.  Why should we not dwell on our past mistakes?  Because they are in the past and G-d doesn't want us to dwell on them, He wants us to acknowledge them, ask forgiveness from them, learn from them and move on.

Our focus during these days after all is on G-d. The fact that He loves us enough to help us evaluate ourselves, to help us improve ourselves, that we count!  Our actions matter!  Our focus is on the Almighty our Creator, this is joyful, this is what "awe" and "high" are all about!  Then to show we get it we go live in a sukkah (or at least eat in one), a symbolism of how our ancestors trusted the Almighty when leaving Egypt so long ago and we still do to this day.  Sukkot brings things full circle, its a time to forgive and forget, it is a joyful time between each other and G-d our Creator!

The Messiah Can Wait, I Am Planting a Tree

In the Talmud it is said that if the Messiah were to come we should keep planting instead of dropping what we are doing to follow him.  Does this sound strange?  Wouldn't we want to stop doing what we are doing so we can follow him?  The answer is no.  If we answer yes then we do not understand our own importance in bringing in the Messianic redemption.

If we are to stop our mitzvot then the redemption will cease.  If we stop what we are doing to follow a Messiah then we are following a false Messiah.  An example would be the xtian doctrine that says J-s-s did away with the law.  We should stop following Torah to follow J-s-s?  Definitely a false Messiah.  Anything or anyone that comes along and says we don't need Torah is leading us astray.  By the way, the man who lived then that is now called J-s-s was a Torah Observant Jew, his teachings have been tampered with to fit a new religion.

We are the key, we need to keep planting, plants grow and flourish and provide new fruit, new seed for another generation.  We can not stop fulfilling our purpose thinking someone else can come along and take over.   Let us never lose our zeal for Torah and Mitzvot.

Jewish Education Begins at Home

I came across this article online in a newspaper called The Forward.  It expresses my feelings pretty well so I thought I would share it here.  I was surprised to see I actually knew the author as well.  My husband, kids and I attended his shul on occassion.  Shabbat Shalom everyone! 

Published Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Jewish Education Begins at Home

Opinion

By Justus Baird

Passover is over this year, but I can’t stop thinking about the educational brilliance of the holiday. Passover is high-impact and low-cost. It’s family-based and grass-roots. And almost like magic, Passover needs no professional support: If all the rabbis, educators, synagogue presidents and federation fundraisers got lost wandering in the desert for 40 years, Jews across the world would still celebrate Passover. All Jewish education programs should be more like Passover.
Jewish education in America is at a crossroads. No generation of Jews has ever seen such a flourishing of learning opportunities: day schools, charter schools, supplementary schools, camps, travel encounters and, more recently, tech-based tools. We have put our best minds and no small amount of money into Jewish education, yet still not enough Jews are leading Jewish lives. What’s going wrong?

Passover may have the answer. Jewish education is failing because we have abandoned the quintessential Jewish pedagogy: family-based learning. With only a Haggadah and memories from childhood, parents and grandparents use the tried-and-true methods of the four questions, the four children and story-telling to transmit Jewish tradition with no Jewish professionals in sight.
Unfortunately, flagship Jewish education programs — day schools, camps and Birthright trips — send a bad message to parents: “Just give us your kids, and let us professionals turn them into Jews!” And the high cost of flagship programs means that they are unsustainable without massive communal investment.

There is another way. The same studies that show the incremental impact of high-cost programs also show that what happens at home is a primary long-term indicator of future Jewish life. It makes sense: If parents are serious about passing along the tradition, it will matter to the kids. Surprisingly, such wisdom has been right before our eyes all the time. The Sh’ma prayer commands us: v’shinantem levanekha, “impress [these teachings] upon your children” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Many Jews know the prayer, but too few of us heed its call to pass along Jewish tradition directly to our children and grandchildren. Instead, we ask professionals to do all the work.

Telling parents that professionals can teach Judaism to their kids better than they can is wrong. Learning to be Jewish is not like learning math or sports or ballet. Jewish tradition is passed on l’dor vador — from generation to generation — by living it out.

Maybe it’s time to slay some sacred cows of Jewish education: More and better-trained Jewish professionals and more financial resources will not solve the education crisis. The solution is to put families back at the center of Jewish education.

If parents are not serious about Jewish life at home, then even the best $30,000-a-year day school is likely to be a poor investment. We need to direct our money and our creativity toward helping parents and grandparents take back their God-given responsibility to be the transmitters of Jewish tradition.
That’s why I’m experimenting with a family-based supplementary education program in central New Jersey called Yerusha. It costs $30 a month per child. We’ve found that with some educational guidance in the form of curricula and resources, parents and grandparents absolutely love teaching their own kids and their friends’ kids about Judaism (and the kids love it, too). By taking charge of transmitting Jewish tradition to their kids, parents themselves become curious learners and more confident Jews. The impact of empowering parents should not be surprising, given how successful Passover is.

There are many other family-based education programs, but there aren’t enough. Why can’t Jewish camping be more family-based? Why can’t the bar/bat mitzvah process be more family-based? Why can’t we put fewer resources into workbooks for kids and more resources into teaching tools for parents?

There are many barriers to family-based education. Parents feel ignorant and believe that only rabbis or educators can teach Judaism to their kids. They are over-worked and have no extra time. The drop-off syndrome is deeply ingrained. Nuclear families, rather than extended families, are the norm, which means that few grandparents are around to help.

Let’s tackle these barriers by putting at least as much effort into raising Jewish families as we do into raising Jewish funds. Let’s listen to the educational wisdom of Passover, the most celebrated Jewish holiday. Let’s stop encouraging hands-off Judaism, and start encouraging families to get their hands dirty with the daily work of transmitting Jewish tradition. Our Jewish lives will be richer for it, our Jewish lives will cost less, and our kids will love and live Judaism a lot more.

Rabbi Justus Baird is director of the Center for Multifaith Education at Auburn Theological Seminary in New York.

Preparing Our Children for Marriage

Marriage is a scary word for some, an anticipated word for others.  Little girls dress up in their mothers high heels and put on dresses that won't fit for many years just to pretend to get married-I know I did.  Boys don't seem quite as anxious.

So when is the best time to start preparing our kids for marriage?  Its something we do from the beginning.  Teaching our kids about relationships between friends, siblings, parents and of course Hashem.  Giving, recieving, forgiving, sharing, sympathy, empathy, love for fellow man.  These take years to acquire in the physical world.  The more we have Hashem in our lives, the more He is truly a part of our daily process and not a mere after thought when we or a loved one is ill.

Our kids watch mommy and daddy-the good and the bad-and there is plenty of both in all households.  Kids can learn from the bad too, saying, "Well I will never do that".  They're pretty smart.  In other worlds kids do not need the perfect environment to grow in, they do need love, attention and undertstanding.  They need someone to care, so they will turn around and do the same.  They need to feel they count.  I ask my kids for their opinion on things.  They love this.  They see mommy and daddy asking each other for advice/opinions on things.  As they are growing they know they matter and will turn around and ask the opinion of their spouse.

Where does Hashem fit in all of this? We are not purely physical beings, we have a soul we need to connect to as well, just as we wash our hands and brush our teeth to take care of the physical body, the spiritual us must be nurtured.   We tell our kids now to take advantage of opportunities before they grow up because once they have jobs and a family time is limited for these pursuits.  Other things will take precedence.  The same is true of our spiritual lives, we have to go in with certain things already learned.  While we never should stop learning, there are basics that should be a natural part of our lives before we take on a spouse and family.  It creates a maturity in a relationship, enhances and nourishes the physical, makes it really count.

This year for our homeschooling we are going through a book called Encyclopedia of Biblical Personalities. There is so much to be learned from our ancestors.  An example of things we have taught our kids on the spiritual end are to say modeh ani in the morning, blessings before eating, shema in the morning and at night.  We have access to books in our house, they are visible even if not all of our kids are avid readers now.  We have Jewish things in our home, mezzuzahs in the doorways which we taught them to kiss.  They each have their own Hanukiah which makes the holiday more theirs, as we all get to light.  Reading is great but we must include the doing because it connects the physical with the spiritual.  We go through Psalms and talk about it, usually before bed.  These are not huge time consuming things yet they are spread throughout the day and in everything we do, whether walking through a doorway, eating, or waking up.  There are so many more things but these I have found are easily adaptable to our lives because they connect us to the creator, help us not to forget.

The whole point of the Torah is to change us for the better.  Its great to read and gain insight but then what do we do with it?  If we pass it on to our kids and it turns us into more loving and understanding people who see Hashem's hand in this world then we are doing well.  People in general like the familiar, so while we can say they have free will (yes, true) and can choose to leave certain things behind, this should give us more motivation while they are under our roof and our responsibility.    Proverbs 22 says to train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.  Our kids may get sidetracked on a winding road, but they will have our teachings (G-d's teachings) to get back on the straight path.

When our children have a possible mate in mind, he will have all of these things as part of his makeup which should help in the choosing.   We are always helping to prepare our children for marriage and life ahead. 

Do I Have To Be A Scholar?

We home school our kids.  This does not make me a brainiac or scholar.  Education is more than passing on information, its character development, knowledge that changes a way people think, or at least enhances thoughts we already have.  It is experiencing people and life in general.  I am not of the opinion that it takes millions of dollars and a pristine football field to properly educate a child.  What does it take?  Desire, ambition, drive, willingness.  These things can not be bought, they are priceless.   My daughter watches youtube to learn gymnastics, my son used to watch tutorials to learn some advanced guitar playing methods.  We go to the library, take field trips, talk to people, especially older people who pass on real history (because they lived through it).  If we look and see we can take the power of education back into our own hands, institutions do not have to be the necessity they have become.   Everything has its place, I'm not saying throw out schools altogether, what I am saying is let it be one of many choices, not the dominant choice.

The Torah is important, is meant for all people to read and gain wisdom from.   If something as important as Torah is attainable for even the layman than do not short change yourself and think you can't teach basic living and basic academics to your kids?
If we can't do it ourselves we can join a co-op or get a tutor for certain subjects, or even have an older sibling help teach the younger one.  I believe we are ultimately supposed to work together to get things done vs. rely on a system as the primary educator.   Notice the word "primary."
If you truly can't or really don't feel the desire to homeschool your kids yet you see the benefit of it, rest assured, if you send your kids to school you do not have to lose control of their education, you can be as involved as you want to be, and you, being the parent, will still be the primary example for your child.

Here is an interesting example of that.  A friend was over the other day and we got to talking about different religions.  She said she watched a Mormon church go up in a day while she was working in her office across the street.  The foundation gets poured the week before, and then car loads of people come in shifts taking turns to get the structure done.  Wow.  How amazing is that?  Anyone that has had a house built or had an addition put on their home knows the struggles and length of time involved.  But this is the point.  Everyone had a skill, a skill different from the next person, and put them together and a whole project is complete.

While leadership is important and institutions have a role somewhere for some people, I think we would be better off if we take back our families and our lives and all work together.  

Rhythms of Jewish Living

I'm reading a neat book now called The Rhythms of Jewish Living-A Sephardic Approach.  I found it in our shul library.  Here is an excerpt from chapter 2.

When we attempt to understand the Torah and authentic Jewish spirituality, we need to be mindful of the strong cultural biases we have inherited from the Western philosophic tradition.  The urbanization and westernization of Jews over the past centuries have moved us away from the central religious insights of the Torah tradition.  As we open our eyes more to the outdoors, to the rhythms of nature, we will come into relationship with G0d, Creator of the universe.  The Torah and its words are guides to experience, symbols of undefined and undefinable truths.  Jewish spirituality enatails appreciating the value of calm, natural wisdom, and being aware of the limitations of abstract, analytic, systematic philosophy.

I thought this was very interesting, and food for thought over shabbat and the remainder of the weekend. 

Shabbat Shalom!

I'll Give You Something to Cry About

Have we all heard this saying?  When our kids whine over something that is actually nothing, when we see blessings as curses, its like we are crying over nothing.  So, when G-d was giving us this fabulous land to live in, our response was to sing thanks and praise and move in.  What did we do?  We cried-on the 9th of Av.  Oy vey.  So, as the secular saying goes, we are now being given something to cry about.  On this day throughout history there have been many other calamaties:


422 BCE  First temple destroyed

70 CE   Second temple destroyed

Bar Kokhba revolt was stopped by the Romans

First crusade began killing 10,000 Jews

We were expelled from England

We were expelled from Spain

WWI broke out,  making way for WWII and the Holocaust

Jews were deported from Warsaw Ghetto to Treblinka on the eve of Tish B'Av

Is Tish B'Av a punishment from G-d?  I don't think so.  What I think it is is a reminder of how we did not trust Him.  He took us out of Egypt, parted the sea, fed us in the desert, and now we won't enter the land?  Now we become scared and cry?  The other part of this picture is us.  It is not G-d punishing us, we are our own worst enemies sometimes.  Even though we left Egypt etc....it would never have happened if we didn't take part.  We physically listened to G-d by doing what He asked.  Moses went up against Pharoah, a man went into the sea up to his neck out of faith before G-d parted the water, we built the tabernacle in the desert.  Everything involved us, He wasn't going to do these things while we sit and watch.  We are the key.  We don't have to be sitting here fasting, we could be rejoicing.  We are the solution.  The land is wonderful, the temple is wonderful, but we have G0d in us, we have the power to change this world with G0d leading the way.  We have to want it. 

Let's rejoice on Tish B'Av next year!

School vs. Education

I read this on another web site, www.torahhomeschooling.com, and it was too crucial not to repost.  

 

Of Daffodils and Diesels

Author Unknown

I’m not very good in school. This is my second year in the seventh grade, and I’m bigger than most of the other kids. The kids like me all right, even though I don’t say much in class, and that sort of makes up for what goes on in school. I don’t know why the teachers don’t like me. They never have. It seems like they don’t think you know anything unless you can name the book it comes out of.
I read a lot at home—things like Popular Mechanics and Sports Illustrated and the Sears catalog—but I don’t just sit down and read them through like they make us do in school. I use them when I want to find something out, like a batting average or when Mom buys something secondhand and wants to know if she’s getting a good price.

In school, though, we’ve got to learn whatever is in the book and I just can’t memorize the stuff. Last year I stayed after school every night for two weeks trying to learn the names of the presidents. Some of them were easy, like Washington and Jefferson and Lincoln, but there must have been 30 altogether and I never did get them straight. I’m not too sorry, though, because the kids who learned the presidents had to turn right around and learn all the vice presidents.

I am taking the seventh grade over, but our teacher this year isn’t interested in the names of the presidents. She has us trying to learn the names of all the great American inventors. I guess I just can’t remember the names in history. Anyway, I’ve been trying to learn about trucks because my uncle owns three and he says I can drive one when I’m 16. I know the horsepower and gear ratios of 26 American trucks and want to operate a diesel. Those diesels are really something. I started to tell my teacher about them in science class last week when the pump we were using to make a vacuum in a bell jar got hot, but she said she didn’t see what a diesel engine has to do with our experiment on air pressure, so I just shut up. The kids seemed interested, though. I took four of them around to my uncle’s garage after school and we watched his mechanic tear down a big diesel engine. He really knew his stuff.

I’m not very good in geography, either. They call it economic geography this year. We’ve been studying the imports and exports of Turkey all week, but I couldn’t tell you what they are. Maybe the reason is that I missed school for a couple of days when my uncle took me downstate to pick up some livestock. He told me where we were headed and I had to figure out the best way to get there and back. He just drove and turned where I told him. It was over 500 miles round trip and I’m figuring now what his oil cost and the wear and tear on the truck—he calls it depreciation—so we’ll know how much we made. When we got back I wrote up all the bills and sent letters to the farmers about what their pigs and cattle brought at the stockyard. My aunt said I only made 3 mistakes in 17 letters, all commas. I wish I could write school themes that way. The last one I had to write was on “What a daffodil thinks of Spring,” and I just couldn’t get going.

I don’t do very well in arithmetic, either. Seems I just can’t keep my mind on the problems. We had one the other day like this: If a 57 foot telephone pole falls across a highway so that 17 and 3/4 feet extend from one side and 14 and 16/17 feet extend from the other, how wide is the highway? That seemed to me like an awfully silly way to get the size of a highway. I didn’t even try to answer it because it didn’t say whether the pole had fallen straight across or not.
Even in shop class I don’t get very good grades. All of us kids made a broom holder and a bookend this semester and mine were sloppy. I just couldn’t get interested. Mom doesn’t use a broom anymore with her new vacuum cleaner, and all of our books are in a bookcase with glass doors in the family room. Anyway, I wanted to make a tailgate for my uncle’s trailer, but the shop teacher said that meant using metal and wood both, and I’d have to learn how to work with wood first. I didn’t see why, but I kept quiet and made a tie tack even though my dad doesn’t wear ties. I made the tailgate after school in my uncle’s garage, and he said I saved him $20. Government class is hard for me, too.

I’ve been staying after school trying to learn the Articles of Confederation for almost a week, because the teacher said we couldn’t be a good citizen unless we did. I really tried because I want to be a good citizen. I did hate to stay after school, though, because a bunch of us guys from Southend have been cleaning up the old lot across from Taylor’s Machine Shop to make a playground out of it for the little kids from the Methodist home. I made the jungle gym out of the old pipe, and the guys put me in charge of things. We raised enough money collecting scrap this month to build a wire fence clear around the lot.

Dad says I can quit school when I’m 16. I’m sort of anxious to because there are a lot of things I want to learn.

Finding Spirituality

As I was driving down a busy road I passed by a church that had something written on its sign in small print and then in big print it said SONRISE.  A few miles down from there, on the opposite side of the road, I saw a Muslim place of worship and it had a banner out front announcing their monthly fast.  Twenty minutes more of driving and I ended up in a Jewish community, which is where I was headed, and it was bustling with people getting ready for Shabbat.  The cashier said the lines are always long on Friday afternoons. 

This all got me to thinking of how people are looking for something beyond the reach of their hands.  Our physical being is not all we are made of.  If this were true we would not be remembered the way we are once we are gone.  Why?  We have feelings, emotions, we interact, we contribute, we are part of each other-all of this is a part of our spiritual selves-this is the part that means something.  Our physical body carries out who we are, its important but, dare I say not as important as the unseen?  We need our bodies no doubt, but its not who we are.  Why else do people who have everything they need still feel empty?  Because they don't have everything they need, in reality they could have nothing.
 
When a favorite dress is outgrown, or a piece of china breaks we become upset but do we bury it, have services and visit it 20 years later?  No, but why not?  We put so much time into acquiring these things.  Because in reality they don't matter.  Even people who don't go to a place of worship or have much spiritual emphasis in their lives, still show they need what the physical world can't provide.  Love, courage, respect, integrity.  None of these are physical, so what category do they fall into?  Morality?  Where does morality come from?  It can't be seen.  However, even this will turn out not to be enough.  Why?  Because we are not getting to the source.  The worst criminal can have some moral convictions.  What is the source of our being, of who we really are?  What do we stand for?  Why?  Its G0d.  Hashem, Adonai.  The creator of all.  He is our ultimate goal. 

What is important is what is not seen.  We have the written words of the Torah which are very, very important but what is not seen is what was not written down initially, the hows and whys of the Torah-the carrying out of this holy book. 

There is  a love that comes from G0d that does surpass all understanding, it warms like nothing else and it is so intense that we have to pass it on.  When we are told to be a light to the world, it is not just the brightness of the light, but the warmth of the light.  When you stand next to something hot you get hot.  When a pot sits on a stove or in an oven full of delicious food ready to be cooked it is lacking something-heat that comes from light.   Only then will it be delicious.  My Nana, of blessed memory, used to call my kids delicious.  Are we delicious to the world?  Have we lost our sense, our purpose, what is important? 

When people are with us do they sense coldness or heat?  Everyone is looking for G0d, they may not call Him G0d, but we all need Him, we lack without Him.   We are his partner.  If we truly search for G0d He will show us what He wants from us, how to act, raise our kids, be a good spouse, neighbor, etc...isn't this what its all about?

Shabbat Shalom!

It Takes Time

I am reading a book right now on how to heal my back pain naturally.  While I am going to a chiropractor, orthopedist and pain specialist I always feel the need to do my own research, expecially when the doctors don't sound overly positive about the end results.  It is a wonderful book so far, the author, Art Brownstein,  has person experience with this and speaks of how the body, mind and soul work together.  There are always blessings, or at the very least things to learn, in these inconveniences in our lives. 

From Healing Back Pain Naturally:  When you stretch a specific muscle group, you are strengthening other muscle groups as well.  Every opposing muscle in the body gets strengthened when you stretch its counterpart.  It is impossible not to get stronger even if you are only concentrating on stretching.

Leviticus 19 speaks of how we should treat each other:  don't spread gossip, judge with righteousness, not to steal or lie, or rob a man of his wages.  And love your fellow as yourself. Rabbi Akiva says this is he great principle of the Torah. 

So what does back pain have to do with how we treat each other?  We can see how everything is connected.  In our bodies our muscles effect each other, strengthening one strengthens the rest.  We may each be individuals but collectively we are one body.  When we strengthen ourselves we can't help but be a positive influence on those around us.  Just as stretching and healing weak and/or hurting muscles takes time,  being an encouragement to those who don't want to be encouraged or strengthened will also take time.

One smile or good deed will not turn a person around but it is a start.  We can't give up on each other, we have to be there for those around us, and vice versa, when something gets us down we can count on someone to be there for us, to cheer us up and get us going again.  

This reasoning may help when confronting an unpleasant situation, if we look at it from a different angle as an opportunity to do good in the world.   Back pain and relatonships-it all takes time.

Can I Enjoy My Kids Fighting?

I grew up as an only child, no brother and no sisters.   People with siblings wish they were only children.  I wish I wasn't.  We always want what we don't have.  I now have 4 kids of my own, ages 17-9.  While writing that I can't believe it.  It seems like yesterday they were babies and we had more diapers than anyone would care to mention.  As my kids are growing up they are becoming great friends and mortal enemies all at once.  How many times I would say I wish they would just get along.  On one vacation my second oldest son and my daugher (#4), were fighting as usual.  By the end of the night we rented a movie and who was sitting together and eating popcorn in a chair-not even a couch, but a somewhat over-sized chair-but these 2 rivals.

So why do I ask if I can enjoy my kids fighting?  There are 2 reasons off the top of my head.
One is a lesson to learn from them.  You can fight with someone and still have a friendship, still accept each other for who they are.  Obviously they do not hate each other or they wouldn't be sitting so close enjoying popcorn.   We may not like everything about a person but we can appreciate what we do have in common and relish in that.

The other is the more my kids fight now the better equipped they will be to stand up for themselves later on with people not in their immediate family.   It doesn't mean they will be bullies, it means they will less likely be pushovers.  This is their training ground.  They will have years of experience and maturity under their belt that I did not have in this area when they face the world beyond their front door.  As an only child, I complied for the most part, no I wasn't an angel but things were relatively peaceful in my house.  I only had a dog to fight with and blame things on (which didn't go over).

So even though it drives me crazy at times, if I look at their fighting in this respect, I can actually sit back and smile.  Its one thing you can't learn in a book!

Do As I Do

I love to read!  However, my best learning happens outside of the books.  When I watch people, or interact with people I learn what to do or not to do.  My choice in reading material is important because it leads me in the right direction but to learn something new, to put it into action I have to see it or hear it.  I have to be inspired by my surroundings. 

One reason we home school is because I don't believe sitting in a classroom with 20 other kids is necessarily the primary way to go.  Yes, some kids can thrive on it, however,  kids get lost in a crowd, they zone out if not interested, may be embarrassed to show interest in something others would find dumb.  I love going on "field trips."  Every vacation we have ever had has been a learning adventure vs. time off of school.  Things we have witnessed/experienced on our trips:
civil war battlefields
maple sugar farms
country doctor home/office
how a farm is run
hiking/nature trails/moutains
Indian reservations
army museum
Presidential Homesteads
Guitar factory-how it is made from beginning to end


So what does this have to do with the topic "do as I do?" Plenty.  We are each a piece of this big puzzle.  Reading about something is great, but experiencing it together is better.  Usually real life throws a curve ball from a book.  A doctor cannot learn medicine from a book alone, he must have patients.  We can write our budget down on paper but somehow things work out differently at the end of the month due to unexpected reality.  Real life is just different-we have the people factor involved.

I have a friend who is amazingly giving, she wishes her kids would have more interest in Torah.  Unfortunately she hounds them about it.  I told her to stop talking to them about what she wishes they would do and just let them watch her.  I think back to my childhood and how I observed my parents and now do a lot of what they did (even though I said I never would-lol)

Why are we told to study Torah AND do mitzvot?  Studying alone is not enough.  We must be there to show each other the ropes, to help each other out.  We are all connected.  Raising kids teaches us so much.  They will follow what we do way before adhering to a lecture from us.  People watch us more than we know. 
I was a bank teller years ago and a lady brought in a bottle of perfume for me.   I was stunned.  She said I always took good care of her and smiled and she wanted to show her appreciation.  I had no idea I was being looked at in such a way, she was not even a customer I knew well like some other regulars. 

We are to be a light to the nations, it starts with inspiration from Torah being transformed into good deeds-our household will notice and then we can spread it to the rest of the world.  Books and studying are wonderful but it can't stop there.

Shabbat Shalom!

Refined Like Silver

I can't believe its been 2 months since I have posted. 

An update on our situation since the car accident:   My husband has had a lot of pain in his shoulder, they said it was dislocated, had torn muscles etc...doctors can't seem to agree.  He was finally given a few sets of cortisone shots and is going to start physical therapy.  He is also waiting for an mri approval for his lower back.  I have had testing done on my back and have some herniated discs and am going through physical therapy (which is not working).  I see an orthopedist next week and will probably get some shots of my own.  We've had many sleepless nights and painful days but we are getting through.  Baruch Hashem for His mercy and help in getting us through this tough time. 

Should we be bitter when we have these circumstances hit us out of the blue?  How do we handle it?  Where does our strength come from?

I was just watching Jewishtv.org.  They were talking about a passage (Malachi 3) that says G-d will sit like a refiner and purifier of silver.  A silversmith will sit in front of the hot fire, and put the silver in the hottest part of the fire to refine it.  He must hold it there and watch it so it gets taken out at the right time.  If the silver stays in too long it gets destroyed.    G-d watches us during our hot spots and holds us.  The part I liked about this story is when the silversmith is asked when he knows the silver is done being refined.  He says its simple:  when he can see his reflection in the silver he knows it is purified. 

When we go through a tough time-and we will for sure-we can feel comfort knowing G-d is holding our hand as we go through it.  When the problem ends we can rest assured we may have been through  a rough time but it was a time of purification.  We will have learned something from it, gotten closer to G-d, close enough that he can see His reflection in us.  Wow!

Lag B Omer

It has been a busy week for our family.  Today is the last day of Hebrew School and also my daughter's birthday.  On top of that we are going to celebrate lag B Omer today.  Here is a quick synopsis of what Lag B Omer actually is:

Rabbi Akiva was well known for the saying "Love your fellow as yourself."  He had 24,000 students who did not seem to know how to put these words into action, they treated each other badly.  A great plague came and wiped out all but 5 students.  It is said the students stopped dying on Lag B Omer.  Since the end of a plague would bring great relief, we remember it to this day.  Lag is the numerical equivalent to 33,  it is the 33rd day during the counting of the omer which is all of the days between Passover and Shavuot (49 days in total). 
In addition, one of the 5 students who survived the plague was Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, a great sage. He was the first to study the esoteric teachings of the kabbala.  It is said he hid in a cave for 13 years with his son while the Romans searched for him in order to kill him.  They survived on water that came from a stream right outside his cave and from a Buksir tree (better known as carab).  Gee, water and chocolate for 13 years--G-d is good!  While others have studied kabbalah it is said Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai is the the first to bring it into the world in a revealed way, to prepare the world for messianic times.  His yartzeit also falls on Lag B Omer.  Such joy is felt on this day, to remember a great sage and also the end of a plague.   It is a time to celebrate!

The Couple in the Doctor's Office

I sat in the doctors office earlier today waiting for my turn.  As I sat I noticed 2 women sitting together, one was knitting and the other was commenting every few minutes on how long this was going to take.  I figured they were mother and daughter and they were.  The daughter (who was knitting) was getting annoyed and kept telling her it was not going to take that long.  Finally the doctor came out with the husband/father of these 2 ladies.  The doctor explained to the daughter the condition of her dad and assured her everything was fine.  In the meantime, the mother stood up and slowly walked over to the doctor, with a concerned look on her face, she interrupted and asked how her husband was.  The doctor said he was going to be fine.  She was so relieved, she walked over to her husband, he leaned down and they gave each other such a beautiful tender kiss.  With that the daughter said her mom has alzheimers and it has been very difficult. She gets upset with her but at the same time she knows her mom can't help it.  With this I look over at this elderly couple and they are holding hands and look so attached to each other, I just want to cry.  She is slipping away from him, she is scared of losing him, yet she will be the one who is lost.  On my way home I cried, I couldn't help it.  They were so sweet, still in love, and with time they would not be together, either because one would pass away or she would simply forget. 

So, why do I write about this here?  Because I don't want to lose site of what is important to me, and neither should you.  When all is said and done, our relationships with each other-spouses, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc...the memories we create and reminisce about, the legacy we leave, this is what is important.  Will people be sad to see us go? or will they say good riddens?  What will we be leaving behind?  Insight, laughter, traditions, a love for G-d?

This sweet couple has no idea the impact they had on me, and I can't effectively explain it, it reached deep down.  We never know when someone is watching us and what kind of affect we will have on other people!

Whats the magic word?

Its always heartbreaking to hear of a marriage that is breaking up; it hurts the couple, their children, their family and their friends.  We especially hear the "d" word in Hollywood on a regular basis.  While I don't follow what goes on with tv and the movies and the gossip rags, I always thought of Arnold and Maria as a cool couple, they both seemed to really love and support each other through all of their differences.  Well, we just never know what goes on behind closed doors, only what the headlines at the checkout counter tell us.  However, we can control what goes on behind our closed doors. 

When my husband and I were about to get married we were given advice by the clergy who married us, it was a matter of one word: communication.  Always keep the lines of communication open.  Express your feeling-the guys as well as the girls.  Say what is on your mind. 

Lately we have been running in so many circles that my husband I have not had much time for each other.  With 4 kids, homeschooling, Hebrew School, errands, and activities its no wonder.  We expressed this one day and realized a change had to be made.  While most couples make a date night, this was not possible for us (at the time) so we decided to make a date morning.  Sunday morning the kids get dropped off to Hebrew School and we have almost 3 hours together!  We go for a bagel (cheaper than a dinner) and then to Barnes and Noble across the street (we both love books) or where ever we decided to go and this was our time together.  It gives us time to talk without interruption.  Its been so nice knowing we had this time coming up together, but we would never have had this come about if we hadn't expressed the need to have time together.  Had we just grumbled to ourselves there could be a problem down the road. 

People get married to stay married, so what is it that is causing divorce to be so rampant these days?  I think we were given the right advice 19 years ago, communication.  We need to talk to each other, stay close, express ourselves and truly listen to each other.  Its not easy but our spouse comes before our children.  If our children see we have a strong marriage than they will feel secure.  They need to see we care about each others thoughts, ideas, and feelings.  It all comes down to dialogue, discussion, conversation-----communication.

Happy Anniversary!

We were married 19 years ago on May 16, 1992. 
It's so funny to look back over the past 19+ years and see how life has changed.  My 11 year old son  told me it would be easier to be an adult because as a kid he feels he is pulled in so many directions.  What can I say to that except to say see me in 20 years and let me know how you feel.

We have 4 kids, one was premature with some issues, I also had one miscarriage, the death of close family members including my mom of blessed memory from cancer, and his grandmother who we helped to take care of for 6 years, 3+ years of unemployment, friends have come and gone, turned ourselves into a traditional Jewish family, and just had a car accident together where both cars were involved and my husband was forced to hit my car with his car. 

After the accident I looked at my husbands car and saw it mangled, I realized I didn't know how he was and for a split second was overwhelmed with possibilities going through my mind.  When I saw him and hugged him I just cried and cried because I was so happy he was ok and it hit me just how much I would not want to live without him. 

When asked what makes a good marriage my response is to put the other person first.  If both people do that then its a match made in heaven.  This is something my husband has always done, and I don't know how I got so lucky (figure of speech, since I don't believe in luck).   Hashem has truly blessed us!  I always said my husband is my soul mate, as they say in the movie Ice Age, "She completes you."  So I say my hubby completes me. 

We always look back and say if we knew then what we know now, but one thing is certain I would have my husband and kids all over again!

Ethics of Our Fathers

We get up one morning and poke our heads out the door to discover the bright sunshine, but this time it is accompanied by a slight warm breeze.  Everything we had planned slowly goes out the window-or at least we want it to.   Priorities start to shift, we look out the window and can't wait to be done with what is now the menial task at hand.   Kids have mentally left schoolwork behind, adults wish they could call in sick to work.  Its amazing what a beautiful day can do to us. 

Incidentally, this is also the time of year we left Egypt.  We have been in a land that recognizes every other G-d but ours, physically slaving away for the Pharoah for very little pay and very little rest.  Gee, maybe we are still in Egypt in a way, this all sounds too familiar!

Back then, the Hebrews had to get their act together because they were on their way to receiving the Torah, they had 49 days to go from spiritual depravity to spiritual righteousness.  Each of the 49 days was like a ladder or a gate that they had to walk through until they got to where they needed to be on a spiritual level.  Today we count the Omer for similar reasons. 

Since the beautiful outdoors has such a strong effect on us, there is a custom now during the spring and summer to study Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers, the most widely known tractate from the Mishnah).  Nature is at its strongest right now and  it awakens physical desires within us.  This isn't a bad thing but everything should be in perspective.  Along with this the evil inclination is also awakened.  We dress differently, maybe dress with less on, and we may think on a less spiritual level because our head are elsewhere (yard work, gardening entertaining etc...).  This is where Pirkei Avot comes in.  We study it to reinforce the good inclination, to make it stronger and more powerful.  Ethics of our Fathers is just that-ethics; morals, values, how we should be behaving.  The best time to be reminded of this is when we are out and about with others, typically when the weather is nice and we are more layed back in the spring and summer. 

We are all human and it is easy to forget ourselves sometimes, its nice to know we have something like Pirkei Avot to keep us in check!

Happy Spring, Happy Summer, Happy Mothers Day!

When Evil Dies

There is a lot of talk about Osama Bin Laden these past few days.  People are speculating whether he is really dead and if so, whether we should rejoice in his death.  I went to a Torah Study yesterday and after the study we discussed this very subject.  Of course we were all ears.  I always love a Torah perspective!

When the Jews left Egypt we were followed.  The sea parted for us and then came down on our enemy causing them to drown.  However, we questioned if they really drowned.  This is only normal.  We were afraid because without evidence there was the possibility they could wash up on the shore, survive and still come after us.  So what happened?  It is said the bodies washed up on shore, assuring us they were gone and we were really free.  So,  it is not unreasonable to want proof we are out of harms way.  While we may not really want to see pictures etc....it is totally acceptable to want proof we are safe from those who threaten us.

The second discussion is whether we should rejoice over a person such as Bin Laden being killed.  In speaking of Bin Laden we say he was a terrorist and he killed people, and others say but he is G-d's creation as well.  When we say we are rejoicing, we must know what we are rejoicing about.  We are not necessarily happy a man has died per say; we are rejoicing that the evil he inflicted on others is gone.  The part of him that was a murderer can not hurt anyone anymore.  With Bin Laden gone (or any person who presents a threat) , there are lives that have now been saved.  This is what we can be happy about-or at least breath a sigh of relief.  We do not have to scrutinize over the man as a human being, it is not our job especially since we have never even met him.  We go with what we know. 

To wrap it up it is not unreasonable to want proof of someone's death when that person has been a threat to you, and what we can rejoice over is the lives that have been saved due to his death.

Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Rosh Chodesh!

Today is Rosh Chodesh.
What does this mean?  Rosh means head, Chodesh means month.  It is the head of the month or the first day of the month.  Why should women in particular be happy about this day?  Because it is a special day for us!  Every month, on the Jewish calendar we have the first day of the month to celebrate as a special day for us.
How did this come about?
When we were leaving Egypt we had so many jewels and treasures from the Egyptians it took at least 7 donkeys per person to carry it all.  Can you imagine!?   Fast forward to when Moses was supposed to come down the mountain.  He didn't come down when everyone thought he should so the men decided to make a golden calf.  Where would they get the gold for the golden calf?  They asked the ladies to give up their new jewels.  What would any lady say to this?  No way!  They had faith in Hashem. Because of this we have a special day every month-how cool is that?
How do we celebrate?
It is all up to custom.  Skip a typical tedious task (say that 3 times fast), go out to lunch, go to a Torah study.  Do something to give the day a special meaning, and pass the custom on to your daughters!

The Holocaust

Today was Holocaust Remembrance Day.  My kids and I watched an old movie with Jane Seymour called The Only Way, from 1970.  It focused on a family from Denmark and how the people from Denmark came together to help the Jews. 

We also went to our shul and helped read names of those who perished in the Holocaust.  We heard a survivor tell his story as well.  He went to a camp that did not give out numbers because they just didn't bother to keep track, if you died you died, there were no logs or records of names there.  His family did not make it.  His mother could have made it but she cried to see her son and they took her out of line and that was the end of that.  People went to the showers expecting water and instead were suffocated with gas.  I have listened to a few people who have survived the Holocaust over the past several years tell their story and all of the stories are so different and yet so similar.  My son asked the man who spoke to his class if he has nightmares and his response was, "everyday."  When our speaker was asked how he survived he said he survived because he decided he was going to.  He was 15 when it was all done. 

It amazes me these people can go on and get married, they have families and have careers.   Their faith is incredible.  So far, the people I have met do not blame G-d.  They cling to Him.  The man who spoke to my son's class goes to shul every morning and davens.  G-d can not be blamed for the decisions of man. 

May we never forget what has happened, may the memory of those who perished be a source of blessing and may history not repeat itself.

Hope

So much is going on these days, whether its on a personal level or something we all share.  Years ago a friend of mine used to say where there is life there is hope.  While we need to get through our struggles and burdens and deal with them its nice to know there truly is hope at the end.  I woke up early this morning and started reading.  In the Tanak (The Living Nach series), the book of Jeremiah says (chapter 29 starting in  verse 4):

The Lord of Hosts, G-d of Israel, says to all the people whom He exiled from Jerusalem to Babylon:  Build houses and live (in them).  Plant gardens and eat their fruit.  Take wives and have sons and daughters, so they may bear sons and daughters and increase there; don't decrease.   Seek the welfare of the city where I have exiled you and pray to G-d on its behalf, for you will prosper when it does. 


Indeed, the Lord of Hosts, G-d of Israel, says:  Don't let the prophets and diviners among you fool you.  Don't listen to the dreams which they dream, for they prophesy falsely to you in My Name, and I did not send them, says G-d.  


G-d says:  Indeed, when Babylon's seventy years are up, I will remember you, and I will fulfill My good promise to return you to this place.  For I am mindful of the plans which I made for you, says G-d-plans for well-being and not for evil, to give you a hopeful future.


If you call on Me and come to pray to Me, I will listen to you, if you seek Me, you will find Me, if you seek Me wholeheartedly.  I will be available to you, says G-d, and I will bring you back from exile.  I will gather you from all the nations and all the places where I exiled you, says G-d, and I will return you to the place from which I exiled you.

During a time when we see billboards telling us the end of the world is near, when the value of the dollar is diminishing, food and gas prices are soaring we know G-d has plans for us for well-being and a hopeful future.  As I like to say, if we do our part, G-d will do His part. 
 

Ok, So Today is Easter

Today millions of Christians celebrate Easter.  The holiday actually starts with Good Friday (J-s-s's death) and ends with his resurrection today.  This is what they believe.  An increasing number also believe he died for them and if you believe this you are saved.  What if you don't believe this?  Born again Christians will say you are doomed for hell for eternity, separated from G-d forever.  If you don't believe now that he is Messiah, say the sinners prayer, and accept him into your heart, before you die, you are in big trouble.  As a teenager I was invited to a Baptist church, to go to the Youth Group and play volleyball.  I went on retreats with them, and learned all of this.  I accepted it out of fear, I figured I had nothing to lose.  I used to feel bad for the poor Jews who keep the law that was done away with and replaced by J-s-s.   We had such freedom and the Jews were in bondage.  This is what I was taught to think.  The point of my blog in general is to share what I have learned and am learning. 

G-d is a great orchestarator,  He made sure I met my bershert, who happens to be Jewish.  The rest was up to us.   He studied Torah and I started to as well.  The more I learned I realized being told 'believe this or else' is the real bondage.  On Rosh Hashana several years ago I denounced this belief.  I have to add in a disclaimer that not all christians are the "you must believe or die without G-d" type.  I have many wonderful christian friends and we respect each other and our different beliefs, this is not an article trashing anyone.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.  We have that freedom from G-d, our own free will. 

However, as we bring up children in this christian world we have to be prepared to answer their questions about our differences.  One will be why don't we believe in J-s-s?  Are we prepared to answer this?  Why do we have different holidays?  Why do they see Sunday as Sabbath and we have Saturday?  Why can't we eat pork?  Why can they eat pork? 

So it would seem christians just believe in a certain man as G-d and Messiah and they can do an eat what they like and be happy.  They have accepted this free gift.  You get what you pay for.  How many free gifts have you really enjoyed versus saving up for something and paying for good quality?  Don't take my law (Torah) away, that's like taking discipline from a child.  Children don't feel love when their parents don't care enough to discipline them, to have them do or not do things for their own good.  This goes for the times when the kids don't understand why.  How many times do we not understand G-d?  It happens.

Actually, christianity has a lot of the right ideas, unfortunately they are slightly off and in the end, like a boat with a rudder slightly to the right or left of its mark,  it ends up taking the wrong course.   

When I denounced my beliefs in christianity, and this is totally true, I felt so free.  I didn't have to believe or die.  This also meant I didn't have to worry about friends and family who didn't believe.   What a relief.  I wasn't relying on a man to take my sins away,  I was responsible for myself-the good and the bad-it gives me control over my life, it gives me purpose.  I was taught at a born again christian retreat-and again this is true-that we have no good in us unless we have J-s-s in our heart.  Well, of course a bunch of scared kids are gonna do what is necessary to guarantee their eternity, and our goodness here on earth.   I went home and my christian parents (not born again) were mortified.  lol. 

Life is a journey.  This is true.  And this is what G-d is looking at, our journey.  Where we came from and where we are going.  We are good people, all of us, because we all belong to G-d.  Our souls were here from the beginning and when we were born G-d took the particular soul meant for that particular life and placed it in that body.  The soul and the body work together.  And G-d is part of every soul that is in us. 

So, my conclusion is: 
we don't need a man to die for us, we are responsible for ourselves, we are of value.
we don't need to accept J-s-s later in life because we are sinners and need his goodness in us-we have G-d living in us from the very beginning, we are pure from the beginning. 
we need the Torah, it is our relationship with G-d.
we can never be separated from G-d in eternal damnation, He was with us from the beginning and is part of us.
G-d does not abandon us if we have doubts, He loves us and welcomes our questions.

Are We Listening?

When I was growing up I was very quiet.  I knew how to talk, and did it very well when I wanted to but, overall, I was quiet.  I am still a quiet adult for the most part, meaning I don't feel the need to fill every minute with idle chit chat.  That's just me.  Over time I realized people liked using me as a sounding board.  I would listen but because I didn't offer much advice, I felt useless. 
Now, that I have been involved in this car accident, and 2 weeks later its constantly somewhere on my mind and causing pain in other areas, I realized the value of listening.    I have spoken to several people about our accident and typically, before you can say much of anything to them,  they will say things like this:   just be glad you are ok, cars can be replaced people can't,  oh I had a similar experience and then I have to listen to them; then its over and I'm left standing there feeling, well, just as bad.   Some people truly would listen (thank you!) including our rabbi from the conservative synagogue we belong to and the Chabad rabbi's wife whom we saw right afterwards and spoke to later on in the week---thank you!  They just listened, they offered symapthy and anything else we needed.   It was so nice just to be able to talk, to have someone willing to listen.  I always thought I wasn't doing any good just listening, but this is what people need the most.  My husband says people need to hear themselves talk aloud so the answers will come to them.  He is so right.
In Judasim it is taught that when we make a shiva call we let the mourners talk first, unless they initiate the conversation we just need to be quiet and be there with them.  It is such good advice.   We all just need to know we are not alone.   
I also used to be the one to say "just be glad you're ok", and "cars can be replaced".  These are all true but they are also not what people need to hear, these comments made me feel like I had no reason to be upset, that I should get up and move on.   I'm not upset with anyone who said these things to me, they meant well, and as  I said I used to do this.  What it taught me was that all of these years of being a quiet sounding board and letting people talk was not usesless, but rather an asset. 
I felt the need to pass this on.  Are we listening?

Was the Last Supper really a seder?

I apologize for not posting in a while but my husband and I were involved in a car accident and it has taken me away from my normal daily life for a while.  We are both ok, but it was very scary.  I have some herniated discs in my neck and back and my husband has a dislocated shoulder (at the least).  The insurance companies like to take their time in making sure you get the required tests to see what is really going on.  Anyway.....

I hope everyone had a wonderful Pesach!  We had family and friends over and were very thankful to be able to pull it off after all that has been going on.  We sang a bunch of songs, one of my favorites is The Ballad of the 4 sons (to the tune of Clementine).  It gets the message across and everyone enjoys it.

This time of year, especially when Passover and Easter are so close together, people start talking about how the Last Supper is really a Passover Seder.  Well, its not.  During Temple times a sacrifice was brought to commemorate the Exodus.   It wasn't until after the Temple was destroyed that the seder the way we know it took place.  The egg and the shank bone represent the desecrated Temple.   The Last Supper took place during Temple times, before the seder was in existence.

This is something important to know, and to make sure the next generation is aware of.  I have many Christian friends as well as Jewish friends.  It is natural to try and share our faith and see what we have in common but I think it is equally important not to turn things into what they are not.

Shabbat Shalom!

A Fish in Water

The Mikveh is an immersion into living water, it is a time of cleansing (not soap and water), and getting closer to G-d.  It is done before conversion, it is done by women on a monthly basis for the sake of family purity, it is done by some men before Shabbos and yom tovim (holidays).  In the 60's women's lib was running rampant and the mikveh was seen as archaic.  However, everything being cyclical, it is gaining in acceptance once again.  It is now "in".
 
I don't want to go on about the mikveh, although it is a wonderful topic to discuss as our girls get closer to the age of marriage, but let's look at the water as an analogy.   When a person immerses into the mikveh water nothing can be between them and the water; no band aids, no makeup, no jewelry etc...Just follow me, there is a point to this.  If a person immerses in an ocean or river and they see that a fish has made contact with them, then, when they come up out of the water,  we would think that the immersion would be invalid, however, it is not.  Why?  Because a fish is part of the water, a fish cannot live without the water, it is as though they are one.

It is the same with the Jewish people.  We are one with Torah, the mitzvot that connects us with G-d makes us who we are.  It makes us a light unto the nations.  We have met several people over the years who have asked us about our customs, our laws etc...and when they know we care about it, that we feel the connection with it, they are glad to hear it, they say good for you.  The nations know it is right for us to follow Torah.  It is not do and don't do,  but a way of life, a way to connect to G-d, because the Jewish people and Torah are like a fish in water - inseparable.

Is Passover about Freedom?

Passover is known as the time of our freedom.  However, it goes a little deeper than this.  It is actually about the transition from slavery to freedom.  Can we go from slave to free man overnight?  Is it really that simple?  We are human and need time to transition from one mode of thought to another. 

The street definition of freedom is to do what we want when we want but, is this true freedom?  There is a lot of slavery built into this definition of freedom whether we know it or not.  A new movie comes out so we have to go see it, we get a coupon in the mail so we have to take advantage of it.  The freedom comes in saying no to things, the freedom comes from being in control, from having boundaries.  It sounds bizarre but its the truth.  We have been taught that freedom is to have abundance, to have the big home with an entertainment room that you pay someone else to clean. 

I am still living in the town I grew up in.  Back in the 70's there was not much here and I vowed to leave one day and go where there was more activity.   We had a hardware store, a bank, a food store, Carvel Ice Cream, a card store,  a shoe store, a small post office, a library and a diner (yes a real old fashioned diner which is still here).  We also had a store called Spur n' Spar.  I can still remember the smell of it, the creeking of the floor and the feel of the leather saddles and jackets, the cowboy hats.  If you bought something they gave you a wooden nickle.  We had a train run through town also.  So hickish yet I yearn for it now.  Why?  Because now there are so many choices and so many places to go and things to do that that it can get out of control, it can interfere with our freedom.  We can forget our purpose and let life take over.  We can lose our focus and our happiness, true happiness, the kind that comes from within because we can't connect to it anymore-we're to busy living.  So what does our town offer now?  All of the old farms are torn down or burned down.  Rite Aid and Home Depot, Walmart and Kohls,  5 banks,  6 pizza places at least, strip malls galore, multiple restaurants, etc...etc...you get the point. 

So what does this personal rant have to do with Passover?  Passover is about our transition from slavery to freedom.  Was our liberation without a purpose, a goal, and end result or were we floundering about not knowing what was coming next?  

We had a goal then and we still do now.  Mt. Sinai.  We left Egypt with a purpose, we were going to serve G-d!  How were we going to serve G-d?  By accepting the gift of Torah from Him.   Serving someone, even a diety, does not sound like freedom.  However, we were being offered something we couldn't refuse.  We were being given our purpose, our instructions, our inner joy.  It was exciting, it was exhilarating, it was scary.  But what did we say?  We said we will do it, we didn't even know what "it" was.  After we agreed we listened.  This is a true love for G-d, to say we will do it and then ask what "it" is.  If a dear friend or our spouse, someone very close to us asked us to do them a favor we would say yes before asking what it is.  This is a true bond, a true love. 

Wait a minute.  What about the golden calf?  We weren't such a great people, we complained, we moaned and groaned, even tried to cheat.  This is why we speak of transition.  We can not change over night.  We are human.  G-d knows this. 

All of the items we use to celebrate Passover are actually representations of this transition.  We can use these items to look back to where we came from and forward to where we are going, yes in many areas of our lives we are still working our way to freedom. 

Wine.  It is red and represents the blood we shed when we were beaten in slavery.  When we look at the redemption it still symbolizes blood, but this time it is blood we put on the doorposts that saved us from the angel of death. 

Salt Water.  This represents our tears during slavery.   In freedom it represents the salty sea we crossed (yes, we made the move-we crossed it, G-d didn't cross it or us) to be liberated. 

Matzoh.  In slavery it was the bread of affliction.  However, it now represents our leaving slavery, they pushed us out of Egypt so fast our bread didn't have time to rise. 

Bitter Herbs.  These represent the bitterness of slavery.  We eat it now to show something sweet comes afterwards.  If you use romaine lettuce, it is actually the stalk that is bitter, not the leaf.

Charoset.  represents the mortar made for the bricks, but now the sweetness of it is associated with our freedom afterwards. 

The bone and the egg are actually connected to the Holy Temple representing the sacrifices and the meal.  We have a hope in a future permanent Holy Temple. 

We have freedom in the Torah we accepted at Mt. Sinai, it is a part of us, and a key to our true inner happiness.  However, it is easy for us to still live in a type of bondage today, to still be in "Egypt."  This is why these Passover items are more of a transition food until we can conquer whatever it is that still enslaves us.   Every year we can reevaluate who we are and what we are enslaved to whether it is material things or if it is psychological, pressure to do things we do not want to do or worries over money.   I suppose this is why, as an adult now, I like the simpler life with less distractions.   Less truly is more, it gives us opportunity to reconnect to what is important and get rid of the frivolous things that have a way of taking over.  Passover is about our continuing journey from slavery to freedom!

Torah Study Yesterday

Yesterday I went to Chabad for Torah study.  The Rabbi and his family just moved into a beautiful, new Chabad House this past week.  Its a growing community and they needed space, everyone pitched in and Hashem made the final results happen.  We are all amazed at this beautiful new home we will have classes and services in. 
Anyway, I went for class and when I got there the Rabbi said the class was for next week.  I realized I had my dates mixed up, however, I was not the only one, there were other women there as well.  Since we were there we got the grand tour of the new home they have only been in for about 4 days. 
During this time our rebetzin comes home with 2 of her small children.  She walks through the door and without blinking an eye is thrilled to see us and says we should learn.  Would I feel this way with boxes all around and only 4 days into the new house?  She has to go find a book that is actually unpacked.  We then sit at the dining room table and she gives a Pesach lesson (which she has not prepared for yet) and it was fabulous.  We studied for over an hour.  She had the baby on her lap, as always, and I brought my daughter who played with her daughter.  When it was over she said she won't postpone classes anymore, especially now that the Chabad House has been provided.  We all laughed and said it wouldn't do any good to cancel, because we would just show up anyway! 
I will share some of what I learned in the next post. 
Good Shabbos to everyone!

Passive Learning vs. Active Learning

This morning 2 of my kids said the following in reference to an experience in Hebrew School.

11 year old son - "I feel like I have to do things to make the whole world happy."

8 year old daughter (very matter of factly) - "Trust me I've been there!"

I was such a good student (I thought).  I sat at my desk, took notes and spewed back those notes during tests.  I didn't interrupt or ask questions, even though we were asked if we had questions.  Those kids who did have questions were the trouble makers because the goal was to be done.   As an adult I look back at my school years; I had some good times and some bad times.  I learned.  I learned to think passively.  I was trained, whether it was by certain teachers or by the presence of students and peer pressure to think passively.

Everyone has a different learning style.  However,  one thing that should remain constant is the ability to ask questions.  If you are asking questions, then you are actively thinking about what you are being taught.  How many times did we want to ask a question, even as an adult, and didn't because we thought it may sound stupid?  I can raise my hand on that one!  It is thought that the student who asks the most questions is learning the least because he doesn't understand.  However, the student who is asking questions is probably learning the most.  His/ her brain is engaged, they are wrapping their mind around the subject and looking at it from different angles. 

When students study Talmud, it is all about asking questions.  Ideally, 2 students are paired together who think differently.  These students can go back and forth on a topic for hours, asking each other questions and defending their position, or changing their minds.  Iron sharpens iron!

I tried to put this into practice today when I went to Chabad for Torah study.  I asked at least 3 questions, and the answers were helpful.

Regardless of where we are learning, it is so important to engage our brains and ask questions, I would even say make ourselves ask at least one question during a study session or class.  It will change the way we learn and think.

Everything Has To Do With Everything

The Torah portion this week is Shmini (Leviticus 9-11).   It means the 8th day.  What is so special about the 8th day?  Seven days represents nature, the Talmud compares the first seven days of celebrating the construction of the Tabernacle to the seven days of Creation.  The first seven days is an element or component in and of itself, the eighth day starts us over at a new level, it is above nature.  A bris milah (circumcision) is done on the eighth day.  Even if a bris milah falls on Shabbos, it is performed because this act is above nature, above logic.  We must connect the eighth day to the previous seven days.  Everything we do now means something for the future.

The Tabernacle was built for the sin of the golden calf.  Each day for seven days the Tabernacle was erected, and the Israelites waited for G-d's fire to come down.  For seven days His fire did not come down so the Israelites dismantled the Tabernacle, made sure their repentance for the golden calf was sincere and complete, and tried again the following day.  On the eighth day G-d's fire came down. 

All revelations of the future depend on what we do now.  In other words, the future depends on what we do now.  Are we learning Torah, fulfilling commandments?   The holiness of Shabbos is connected to creation, we make it happen. 

Here is a wonderful story, this can definitely be shared with our families over the Shabbos table, or anytime.

A king went out hunting in his hunting clothes.  He got lost just outside of the forest but he saw a light.  He followed the light to a hut and knocked on the door to ask for help, however, the peasant told him he could not help him.  He then goes to the next hut where a man named Moshe answers the door.  Moshe says he does not have much but he is welcome to what he has.  Moshe gave the king (not knowing he was the king), some straw to sleep on and some goats milk to drink.  The next day the king was able to leave and find his way home.  Three days later the king sent his royal carriage to Moshe's hut and Moshe is told the king wants to see him.  Moshe cant figure out what he has done wrong that the king should want to see him.  The king thanks Moshe for his help, for the straw and goats milk, and tells him he will build him a beautiful home right next to the palace and give him money so he should not want.  Moshe meets another man and this man asks him how this happened.  Moshe said he gave the king straw and goats milk.  So.....this man knocks on the castle door with straw and goats milk and tries to give it to the king.  The man is kicked out.  The king doesn't need straw and goats milk now. 

We are in exile, and G-d is in exile with us.  Anything we do for Him now, G-d will give us back a gift so much greater than what we gave to Him. 

Can you see how we are connecting the 7 days of Creation with the 8th day?  Creation represents our effort, we start from darkness and make it light (there was evening and then morning-all of our days on the Hebrew calendar start at night), G-d starts with light and penetrates the dark. 

Good Shabbos!

The Maccabeats - Purim Song

But the Food is Kosher!

When we hear the word kosher, we immediately think of food.  However, the definition of kosher is proper or fit, not just for food but for everything in our life.  Kosher is such a well known word that you don't have to be Jewish to use it. 

We celebrate Purim in a couple of days, it is such an exciting holiday, especially with children.  Costumes, groggers, food, drink....some say it is holier than Yom Kippur.   How can this be?  Because on Purim we are to have such a good time that we don't recognize the difference between Haman and Mordecai.  What does this mean?  This means there is no appearance of evil, this means we are back in Gan Eden (paradise). 

However, let's talk about a party that led up to the events of Purim.  King Achashverosh threw a huge party and promised there would be kosher food.  The Jews would have no excuse not to come, right?  Mordecai explained that we should not attend such a party, that even though the food may be kosher, the party was not.  In the end Acheshverosh made a mockery of the Jews, he wore priestly garments, and he ate from the Temple vessels,  The king also wanted his queen to show up with only her crown so people could see how beautiful she was.  She refused, but this tells us what kind of king this was and that this was not a kosher party!

Where do we spend our time today, where are our kids, what are we/they involved with?  Is it kosher?  We don't live in a kosher world,  it is up to us to bring G-d's light into the world through our actions, what we read, what we watch, who we hang out with, where we go.  It all counts.   Let's hold onto our principles, to our Torah.  One thing is for sure, the world is watching and will respect a person who stands up for their values, and their convictions.   Let's keep it kosher!

We All Bounce On A Little Trampoline

To the tune of We All Live In A Yellow Submarine:  We all bounce on a little trampoline, a little trampoline, a little trampoline.

Now try and get that out of your head today!  lol.

We were given a little trampoline years ago, and it has sat in the garage and then in the shed.  I often thought of getting rid of it but (and don't laugh), it was just cute and I felt I may need it some day. 

Since then my neighbor called and asked if we would like their big trampoline, its 14 feet across, and her kids have outgrown it now.  I said yes.  Her husband, daughter, my son and I, all rolled this trampoline down the street to our backyard-yes we almost lost it a few times.  My kids have been enjoying it, literally spending hours on it.  Imagine being told to go jump on the trampoline between math and science?  Another great benefit to homeschooling.   I decided to join in the fun and after 5-10 minutes I got off.  Wow, how do they do this for hours?  They flip and run and jump all over the place.  I basically bounced, not jumped, my feet stayed in tact with the surface below me.  I came in to lie down-why was jumping, or bouncing, so exhausting? 

I have done some research and it turns out jumping, or bouncing, is one of the healthiest exercises around.  You can google it and its out there.  Here is a list of some of the health benefits of trampoline jumping:

~ helps combat depression
~ normalizes blood pressure
~ helps prevent cardiovascular disease
~ improves coordination
~ enhances digestion
~ gives relief from neck and back pain
~ strenghtens the immune system
~ better mental performance
~ good for the lymphatic system

The last one really intrigued me:  the lymphatic system.  The lymphatic system is responsible for carrying nutrients to the cells and waste away from the cells.  It doesn't move on its own, it relies on us to move to get it going.  If we don't exercise, our cells will just sit in their own waste and be starved of nutrients.   This of course contributes to aging and diseases.  So why is jumping up and down one of the best ways to get it moving?  The fluid in our vessels moves in one direction-up; up the arms, legs and torso.  This is why jumping up and down is so effective, especially on a trampoline, a trampoline gives where the ground does not; less chance for injury to the bones etc... 

I am not a doctor by any means, these are things I read on the internet on several sites.  It makes sense to me and I wanted to share it.  I am enjoying bouncing with my kids but I am also glad I kept my little trampoline, which will be moving from the shed to the house!   

We all bounce on a little trampoline, a little trampoline, a little trampoline......

There's No Place Like Home

I am a big fan of the 1990's TV show Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.  I love the west, the outdoors, and times gone by.   My kids have also seen this show many times with me and know when to get the box of tissues, I tend to cry at everything since hitting my 40's.  I notice watching this show and others like it, that the people spent a lot of time outdoors, they did their living outside more than inside-gardens, livestock, fishing, playing, laundry, even bathing.  People could travel for days by horse and get used to the sights and sounds of the great outdoors.  However, at the end of the day or the end of the trip, everyone would say the same thing - its great to be home! 

It may seem like a strange thought or perplexing question but if we like the outdoors and can do so much living away from home then why do we need a home, a permanent place to hang our hat and call our own, a place with 4 walls?   Its more than familiarity, although that is part of it.  Its comfort, love, a haven, a place we can be ourselves, even an extension of who we are.

We just finished 4 parshas regarding the Mishkan, or Tabernacle.  G-d is everywhere,  yet He desires a place to call home.    It is amazing to think that the Creator of the Universe wants to be with us and share our home.   Since we do not have the Tabernacle right now, we are His home.   We've heard that before but when we think what this means, what a home represents and how important a home is, its quite amazing.   This means the Creator of the universe uses us as His haven and we become an extension of Him.   What an awesome thought!

Bei Mir Bistu Shein - Traditional Yiddish Folk Song

The Fortunate Man

Tehillim (Psalms) is a wonderful thing to read with our kids before bed.   We bought a pocket sized Tehillim for each of our kids for Rosh Hashana a couple of years ago.  We gave them that along with a $10 bill.  We told them we wanted them to start the new year right with blessings and prosperity.

The Tehillim we bought has both Hebrew and English in it and is called the Metsudah Tehillim.

Chapter 1, verse 1 says: Fortunate is the man who has not walked in the counsel of the wicked, and in the ways of the sinful he has not stood, and in the seat of the scornful he has not sat.  

I thought I would share how I went over this verse with my kids.

What are the actions described here?  walked, stood, sat
When do we walk, sit and stand?  We do these things all day long, after we wake up in the morning.
What is the fortunate man to avoid?  counsel of the wicked, ways of the sinful, seat of the scornful.

There is a popular saying - walk the talk and talk the walk.

Basically, the walk is how we live our lives.  Here it is saying not to walk in the counsel of the wicked.  What does wicked mean?  It means unscrupulous or capable of harm.   Do we want counsel or advice from anyone who is capable of harming us?  No, because we can also turn around and hurt others the same way.  Its very important to watch the company we keep.  Just because someone gives us advice does not mean its good advice, we need to consider the source.

Next is avoid ways of the sinful.  What is the character of this person?  Do they get themselves in trouble, how is their speech, who do they hang around with?  We are not to stand in the way this person stands.  There is an expression that says we need to stand up for ourselves.  When we stand up for ourselves we are avoiding those who try to change us with bad habits-its resistance.

What does scornful mean?  A person who will treat you as though you are worthless or have no value, as though you don't count.  A person who looks at you with scorn is not a good thing!  Each one of us count, our mitzvot count in Hashem's eyes and we will be rewarded for them, don't let someone steal these from you by making you feel you don't count.

Is it any wonder that Psalms starts in this way; telling us who we should avoid so we don't take on bad characteristics?  This means a couple of things.  If we are being told how not to act, then we are already starting out on the right foot.  We come into this life with purity, not as a blank slate per say but as a good, wholesome soul.  We are starting off on the right foot so this advice tells us how to stay on track.  Also, verses tend to connect.  You can't take one verse and use it alone.  If this verse is telling us now not to act, who not be to with,  then the next verse must tell us what we need to do to keep ourselves on the right path.

Verse 2 But only in the Torah of Adonai is his desire, and in his Torah he meditates day and night.

The Torah is not meant for scolars alone.  It is meant for all of us.  It has applications for us that are practical and also very spiritual-we are made of flesh but have a soul so we need both.

Its important for our kids to feel familiar and comfortable with the Torah, then they can relate with the fortunate man in Tehillim 1.


Shalom,
Tamar

Homeschool Resources

       To hear my homeschool interview on blogtalk radio visit blogtalkradio.com/utomdotorg. 

 
There is an abundance of homeschooling resources at our disposal.   It is very easy to get overwhelmed so having someone make suggestions as to what is worthwhile is a big help.  Also, join a homeschool group for support for you and your kids.  These moms will be glad to share their experiences, good and bad, with you.  We belonged to a couple of different groups and co-ops over the years, and it provided a good experience for us.  There is a Jewish homeschooling Yahoo group called Chevra which is wonderful, we belong to this and its members are all over the United States.  

Here is a list of companies (websites, catalogs, books) that I have used and recommend:

www.currclick.com  (online curriculum you can download (some are free) and online live courses)

http://chinuchonline.com/  (Torah education for all ages in both Hebrew and English)

www.rainbowresource.com  (ask for a free catalog-its huge and will give a good idea of whats out there)

http://www.charlottemasoneducation.com  (an old fashioned way of teaching, not geared toward text books but toward a wide variety of short lessons throughout the day) I refer to her books often.

http://www.queenhomeschool.com/  (I visited their both at a homeschool convention and they had a vast array of homeschool supplies)

Ruth Beechick, You Can Teach Your Child Successfully (book can be found on Amazon or look in your library). Basically how to get away from textbooks, and individualize learning for your child.  A great book!

How To Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons.  Also found on Amazon.

Artscroll has some great children's books that I have learned a lot from such as Children's Book of Yonah, Children's Book of Ruth, Children's Siddur.  Lots of pics, like a comic book.

If you are looking for workbooks for Hebrew, Behrman House has a nice selection.   Our Hebrew school uses them and we have used them at home as well.    http://www.behrmanhouse.com

http://eps.schoolspecialty.com/
(they have math and reading)  I use the Explode the Code series for phonics and Wordly Wise for vocabulary.

Google Books - Handbook of Nature Study (887 pages).  I print the pages I want to teach from (not all pages are available on google books) and my kids have a nature notebook they draw in and take notes.  We've learned how valuable dandelions are by sitting in the front yard and watching them in their different stages.  I would love a hard copy of this book.

Jewish History - Ken Spiro is a fabulous historian and can be heard on Aish.com and simpletoremember.com.  He has also written a book called Crash Course in Jewish History.
My oldest son is a history buff and we listened to the whole series and then he read the book.

www.thehomescholar.com  This site is by a mom who homeschooled her children and sent them off to college with scholarships.  

The library is a fabulous resource that should not be overlooked.  Even if a book is needed for the moment, that does not make it a keeper.  The library will let you borrow books for 2-3 weeks and probably renew if you need to.  No reason to spend money for a book, dvd or cd that you only need for a short time.  On occasion we go to the library to do schoolwork just for a different environment.


Some Things I've learned along the way:

Don't be afraid to scrap your plan for the day if something better presents itself.

You don't have to use an entire book, you may only like one section of the book, use that and forget the rest.

Homeschooling does not produce perfect kids.

Leave books scattered around that you would like your kids to pick up and look at.

Its tempting but not necessary to buy fancy curriculum.

Kids copy what we do more than what we say.

Just because children come from the same parents does not mean they will learn in the same way, they will  have different personalities and learning styles.

Kids go at their own pace.  With homeschooling, a  child who would be in 5th grade can do 7th grade science, 3rd grade math and 5th grade reading-no need to rush through and skip so they can go to the next grade with the rest of the class or keep them from excelling.

If you want your kids to embrace their Jewish heritage, don't rely on your synagogue/Hebrew school-they should only be a supplement to what you do at home.  Kids will see real fast what is important to you.  

I hope this was helpful!

Shalom,
Tamar

A Jew at Heart

Two men are talking in Israel,  one is a Yeshiva student who studies Torah, the other is an Israeli soldier who is in the army.  The soldier says to the student that he is not observant,  but he is a Jew at heart.  After a while, the soldier starts making fun of the student and finally says to him that he should be in the army.  The student replies that he is a soldier at heart! 

I love this story, it speaks volumes.  This week's Torah portion, Pekudei, (Exodus 38:21-40:38) mentions the word Tabernacle 2 times in the first verse.  Why?  Because it is speaking of 2 different tabernacles, a spiritual tabernacle and a physical tabernacle.  Which tabernacle fulfills G-d's desires?  The physical tabernacle.  Why?  Because G-d desires to  have a physical dwelling place in this world.  With a physical tabernacle we can do certain mitvot.  Why is this important?  Because even though G-d doesn't need us to do mitzvot, He wants us to do mitzvot. 

A wife does not want to hear I love you from her husband through the course of their marriage without him doing something special for her;  flowers, making breakfast, fixing something, etc...

G-d desires our mitzvot.  Even though the tabernacle is not here now, we represent the tabernacle and there are still plenty of mitzvot to do.  These mean so much to G-d and will bind us to Him.  As we light shabbos candles tonight, we are doing a very important mitzvot connecting our world with the world to come, our family with the creator.  

Shabbat Shalom!